It’s been 6 months now, and the epic meme that put the University of Wisconsin on the map known as the Sad Wisconsin Teletubby has long past. There have been interviews galore with the famous teletubby, but none seemed to ask the right, relevant questions that many of us wanted to hear. That’s why The Black Sheep has reached out to the Sad Wisconsin Teletubby in an effort to get the real, juicy details that mainstream media is too scared to search for, and Po was only happy enough to oblige. Disclaimer: This is for realz ya’ll. We actually interviewed this dude. These are his answers, not some basic douche writer impersonating him to ill effect.
The Black Sheep: Okay, so first off, we have to know, are you a teletubby in human skin, or a human in teletubby skin? Like, did you kidnap a teletubby and keep it in a well for a few days, rubbing lotion on it every now and then, and then killed it and skinned it to make that killer suit (no pun intended)?
Po: First of all, that’s an interestingly morbid and sickening scene. Secondly, teletubbies are fictional characters, in a fictional world, doing fictional things. So, I mean, the short answer is no. In fact, if you go on Amazon right now, you could snag the full set of Tubbies. But if I would have ran into a wild Po, I definitely would have respected its distance, because teletubbies are terrifying and unpredictable. You lose that battle. You lose that battle 9 times out of 10.
TBS: Thank God. I was hoping you simply bought a faux Po fur suit. Po was always my favorite. I would’ve had to stop this conversation if you pulled da Buffalo Bill on an innocent Po. Also, I just took your advice and searched for a Po costume, and it’s a bit on the pricey side. It’s about the price of 60 things at the Dollar store, or 30 omelets from Gordon’s (which are no doubt the best thing about that place). Was the price worth it? Did you stop buying omelets after your purchase?
Po: The price was definitely worth it. I’ve had many great experiences as Po; spraining my ankle on Halloween, walking the streets of Indianapolis with the rest of the Tubbies, becoming an inspiration, and even exploring the Badlands. Although, I had to give up omelets, the experiences in return have been worth it.
TBS: Good to know it wasn’t a waste. Was Po your first choice of the tubbies, or did you guys like, draw straws for which tubbies you’d be. Or like, did you do a Hunger Games kind of thing to decide who was who?
Po: To be honest, I’m not really sure how we decided. I do faintly remember three people dying in the skirmish when the package arrived. But we need not talk about that. All I know is, I got Po, and I’d say it’s treated me well.
TBS: Indeed it has. You were pretty famous for a second there. Even now, I can’t google the teletubbies without seeing your face somewhere in there. People were even talking about getting you on Jimmy Fallon like that crying piccolo girl. I mean, like, on a scale from Meryl Streep to my bath towel, how famous were you? Did you enjoy your fame?
Po: Yeah, I actually had a Skype session with the rest of the teletubbies, the Piccolo girl, and this TV station in California. That was cool. But nah, the Sad Teletubby might be known around the sports nation, but nobody really knows the person behind the costume besides friends and family so it’s not like people know me around campus or anything which is beyond fine. But it can be a fun conversation starter with friends.
TBS: So, do you still feel relevant after alllll this time, or do you feel more like a Bojack Horseman whose time in the spotlight is done? Are you working on, like, a comeback project or something? Cause I totally saw you at the Hawaii game with the other Tubbies and it seemed like time was being a flat circle and things were happening allll over again.
Po: The time in the spotlight has been done for a while, and I don’t know if I would dare call Hawaii a comeback project. It was more a fun little Teletubby (plus a giraffe) reunion. I don’t think anyone needs Sad Teletubby to be a thing anymore. He’s had his time in the spotlight, and although Hawaii was fun with the crew, I think one of the Teletubbies may have to officially retire.
TBS: Truly the end of an era for Wisconsin. So, before we end this whole thing, there’s just one more question on everyone’s mind. What’s your sexual spirit animal? You know, the one you most identify with?
Po: Tough question. I think, in terms of general spirit animals, all I’ll say is that I would definitely consider myself to be more of a Badger than a Teletubby.
TBS: Good answer! I feel like a lot of people would share in your identification of a Badger as your sexual spirit animal. There’s a reason why everyone’s always all over Bucky. Well, it looks like we’re done here. Thanks for answering our questions. You’re free to live out the rest of your life without the involvement of The Black Sheep. We wish you luck in all your endeavors, Teletubby-esque or otherwise.
The Black Sheep would like to thank Tyler Hartmann for making time to talk to us and for agreeing to go for tea sometime. Unless that was a different Tyler, then just thanks for talking to us.