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Where Was the World When Minnesota Last Had the Axe?


The Wisconsin-Minnesota rivalry isn’t as much of a rivalry as it is a sad, pitiful display of Minnesota doing their best year after year but ultimately always losing to Wisconsin. 12 times to be exact. The axe has been in Wisconsin so long we’re not even sure if it would even recognize its home in Minnesota if they ever won it back (haha, yeah okay). The axe hasn’t been back in the birthplace of Marshall Erikson since 2004, and to show you just how long ago that was, we’ve compiled a little list of what the world was like when the axe lived with the Gophers.


American Idol Wasn’t a Sad Sack of Potatoes:




American Idol was hella awesome, and everyone was obsessed with it. People loved Kelly Clarkson, and they definitely loved Simon Cowell’s sassy remarks and Paula’s “pixie manic dream girl” rebuttals to said remarks. Remember Simon and Paula? Remember when Nicki Minaj wasn’t a judge, much less a mainstream rapper with fun diction? It hadn’t even started its third season yet, much less its FIFTEENTH season. They’re on fifteen seasons guys. The axe has witnessed the downfall of American Idol from popular signing show to a sad sack of potatoes all from the comfort of Camp Randall. Suck it Minnesota!


Amanda Bynes was American’s IT girl (and Not Going Through Some Stuff):




Remember the Amanda Show? She’s All That? What a Girl Wants? Remember when Ms. Bynes was funny and quirky and relatable? Remember when she didn’t light people’s driveways on fire with her gasoline-soaked dog? Amanda Bynes was at the peak of her career and her mental health when the axe settled down for its 12 season long stay. Maybe even one day it’ll watch Amanda Bynes’ comeback and potential Oscar win from the homey confides of the great land of Wisconsin.


Mean Girls Came Out:



Mean Girls had only been out for a few months prior to Wisconsin’s winning back of the axe, and everyone was as obsessed with the film as we are today. Well, maybe not as much, given the Internet and stuff nowadays. Like, Tumblr wasn’t a thing, gifs of scenes from Mean Girls didn’t even exist! This just keep getting sadder and sadder.


Everyone was Singing “1985” By Bowling for Soup:




Pop punk, FUBU, way before the MCU. In 2004, everyone loved Bowling for Soups song about a women who finds herself all grown up and not accomplishing anything she set out to do throughout all those years. Sound familiar Minnesota?


The Facebook Was Only Available to Snotty Harvard Students:




It was dark times, indeed, when Facebook was called The Facebook and only available to certain colleges; when everyone else had to settle for MySpace and look back on their emo’d up page today with cringing embarrassment. Our possession of the axe predates mainstream Facebook. Just think about that for a second Badgers.


Martha Stewart Got Arrested:



Yeah, remember when sweet little homebody Martha Stewart got arrested for lying about some stock sale. Turns out she knows how to illegally play the stock market and make a cute picnic basket out of a watermelon. Obviously, she’s better at the latter. Looks like both Martha and the axe found a new home in 2004.


The Janet Jackson Nip Slip:




Well, we all remember that Superbowl. When thousands of young boys and girls first saw their first, full blown naked booby, and a few probably had a sexual awakening of some kind. And everyone got all angry because the nipple that rested on some chicks sac of fat on her chest was exposed for, like, one second on live television. Dudes have nipples, too! They’re all over television? Have you seen Teen Wolf? Those teens need to take their shirts off just to do homework in bed! Calm yo tits people, pun intended. The axe didn’t seem to mind when it was watching Superbowl XXXVIII from its cozy nook in Camp Randall. Located in Wisconsin. Not Minnesota.


Lindsay Lohan Looked Like This:


lindsay lohan good


Just to show you the difference time (and hardcore drugs) can make, Lindsay Lohan now looks like this:




A lot has changed since the days the axe called Minnesota home. Much time has passed since that fateful day in 2004, and it will continue to pass because the axe likes it here. It must, or it wouldn’t have stayed here for the past 11 years.


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