Fall is here, and the pumpkin spice latte is about as much of a staple of the season as the pre-Thanksgiving break mental breakdown, both of which can be found at your local Starbucks. The Black Sheep is here to tell you, however, that you’re doing it wrong. Layer up and head on over to West Campus or Marshall Street because these are some mind-blowing additions to an autumn classic.
5.) Your ticket to the Halloween frat party that never happened:
If you were planning to go out last weekend, you probably dropped anywhere from $10 to $30 (depending on your gender) on a ticket to some fraternity’s Halloween party. Your Victoria’s Secret Angel costume or your “any player you could ‘dress as’ by wearing only a jersey you already had” costume would have knocked them all dead if it weren’t for all Greek events being cancelled. Because mumps. Right. While you can’t get your money back, you can blend the ticket into your Pumpkin Spice Latte! Your PSL will taste more overpriced than it already does, but with more flavors blended in like the taste of Halloween!
4.) The MMR Vaccination
The mumps already took your Halloween away; don’t make the mistake of letting it ruin the rest of your fall! Stop by your local MMR booster clinic and take your vaccine to-go! You absolutely need to try dumping the whole vaccine into your pumpkin spice latte. Take the caffeine of the traditional PSL, with some weakened strains of the measles, mumps, and rubella viruses added in, and WHAM! You have the perfect energy and immune system booster in the palm of your hand.
3.) A Dinosaur Bar-B-Que rub:
Put the spice in your pumpkin spice latte by adding one of the rubs from Dinosaur Bar-B-Que into your delicious autumn treat. Try the “Cajun Foreplay” spice rub for a much more pungent coffee-based cocktail. With an overwhelming taste of Syracuse, this frothy beverage is sure to course straight through your body from your mouth to your asshole.
2.) A shredded copy of your bursar bill:
If you’re looking to add more bitter flavors in your pumpkin spice latte, nothing beats the taste of student debt. Try printing out the bursar bill you just received and shredding it. Sprinkle some on top of your drink and you should be all set with a perfectly bittersweet PSL. If you’re lucky, some of your tears will fall into it to provide the perfect salty contrast! Yum!
1.) A chunk of the promenade:
A pumpkin spice latte is a great way to beat the Syracuse cold, but there’s no reason you shouldn’t add just a bit more heat to your drink. Microwaving is too easy, and holding it over a Bunsen burner for hours takes way too long. Instead, take a chunk of everyone’s favorite local heated sidewalk, and drop it straight into your drink. You’re only taking back what’s yours, if you think about it the right way. Better yet, it’s the perfect way to give you that $6 million taste you’ve been craving all year!
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