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5 Phrases The South Bus Should Say Instead Of ‘Welcome Aboard’

If you’ve had the absolute honor and pleasure of riding the bus to South, you’ll recognize the flaw in its statement of a mere “Welcome Aboard.” For the ride that this university offers, the opening remarks should be a little bit more grandiose – “Welcome Aboard” just doesn’t slice the bread like it used to. Here are five suggestions to about what the Syracuse south bus should be yelling at students instead.

5.) “This bus operates without brakes”:

Pretty self-explanatory. Longing to hop aboard the highway to hell? Look no further! “Stop requested” is a thing of the past, because guess what? Bus no do that!

4.) “Don’t get lice!”:

You can never be too careful. There should at least be a warning to not put your head against the backs of those scary bowling-alley-esque chairs. The only thing that the general population of lice likes more than a South bus is the carpeting of BBB.

3.) “Brought to you by Tesla!”:

Nothing makes students feel more warm and comforted than knowing that they are in the sweet and tender care of Elon Musk! Dude seems cool and definitely wants us all to succeed.

2.) “Please silence your cellphones”:

Specifically for those of you who think its “cool” and “rad” to play your mediocre music from your rich-person speaker on full blast. Newsflash: We get it! You only listen to Sicko Mode!

1.) “Can someone plug this into their GPS?!”:

This is stated frantically. The bus driver is very stressed out and fed-up with lugging your lazy ass around because you never pay for gas money – it’s THAT tone of voice. Nothing is better than being a passenger in a vessel that has no idea where it’s going!

Hate to break it to Syracuse University, but their talking bus is a little out of date! Any one of these five suggestions will be immensely better than the boring old phrase it has now.

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb, hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep, Mackenzie & Andrea. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

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