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You’re Already Fucking Awesome, So Why Not Rush a Frat?

You know what time it is, boys—rush szn. Time to break out your fattest JUUL (if that’s how you describe it) and unleash every goddamn jersey you own. Spritz on the beer scent, throw on the Timbs, and call up Chad to walk with you to Pi Pi Tau. Here are the top 5 ways to rush a frat on campus. 

5.) Pretend like you’re already a brother:
Just walk in there like you OWN the place (providing a deed to the property would be particularly useful at a time like this). Flaunt your wealth and make them feel like your dad is the creator of Omega Mu Sigma Sigma. Just say your dad [insert top lawyer/business professional/as-seen-on-TV product creator from your hometown] is a legacy of the frat. Alternative options: Wear the frat’s letter to rush. Fake it till you make it is a common phrase used among frat brothers, and it works during rush, too!  

4.) Wear your hat backwards: 

Are you telling us this got didn’t get into a frat? This stock model definitely (probably) got into a frat. If you’re not thinking the hat backwards route, try upside down. Definitely go for a look that says you’re cool and quirky. To solidify your chances, wear a “Syracuse Grandpa” hat! So original and funny. 

3.) Hook up with one of the brothers:
Hey, have you ever heard of this not working? Find your guy crush in your Astronomy 101 lecture and just go in for the kiss. He is bound to offer you not only a bid, but a lifetime of snuggles and cute Instagram posts. It’s a win-win-win (the last win being love if you can keep that brother on lock during college). 

2.) JUUL until you go unconscious:
There’s no doubting that SU is JUUL-town, USA. Walk in to the frat of your choosing, JUUL-ablazing, and hit it so hard you start seeing stars. Nothing says, “We need this guy in our frat” more than a PNM with the ability to inhale an obscene amount of smoke. You better make sure it’s a mango JUUL to further illustrate your ability to be health conscious by choosing fruit because, bro, you’re trying to stay fit in 2018. 

1.) Train for a high beer tolerance:
You have to learn to run with the bulls (bulls in this context being senior frat members). This means beer has to become your best friend. Drink it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and bring it to class (two if it’s one of those three-hour sonofabitch blocks). Expedite the process and dabble in some butt chugging—it’s a frat for chrissake! Assert your dominance with your refined interest in all things beer.

Luckily, this is the most fool-proof tactic to join the frat of your dreams! If all goes well, you’ll be covered in your own vomit before you know it.

 

Get a listen of this! 

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