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Meet David: The Piece of S**t Who Bikes To Class Every Single Day

With over 15,000 undergraduate students, and classes going on at any given time of the day, Syracuse University’s campus gets a lot of foot, car and bus traffic on a daily basis. There are a few exceptions, however: bike riders. Some students, for some reason, decide they want to be different and ride their bicycles to class. We met up with one bike rider riding down Comstock Avenue. 

Meet David, a sophomore from San Francisco, and just about the worst person you could ever meet at Syracuse.

When asked about why he chooses to ride his bike from his Winding Ridge apartment, David said, “I guess my main goal is to change my lifestyle to one that decreases my ecological footprint, and keeps me healthy physically and mentally.”

Shut the fuck up, David.

The average Syracuse student isn’t even finished digesting their late night CBR calzone by the time they’re getting their daily exercise, which is walking slightly faster through the quad to get to class on time. And everyone knows that caring about the environment is an activity exclusive to the state university down the block.

Lo and behold, David seemed to be getting worse as a person the more The Black Sheep continued to speak with him.

“My girlfriend and I do some clean-up and planting in some of the lots downtown on Saturday mornings too,” David said. “It’s a good way to serve the community, help the environment, and strengthen my relationship.”

Give us a fucking break, David. You’re telling us you’re in a committed relationship before cuffing season is in full swing? You do more community service than what your school requires? What a dick.

If you take part in your organization’s required philanthropy event, you don’t have to do all that extra shit. Plus, if you’re not too hungover on any given Saturday morning to bike downtown to do hard labor, you are, to put it simply, a loser. We didn’t get to top five party schools because of our superb greenery, tree hugger.

David left the interview with a smile and wished us a good day, like an idiot. He said he was on his way to grab some breakfast, one of the three meals a day he paces with “intermittent healthy snacks to keep my metabolism consistent.”

Fuck off, David.

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