Entering the college chapter of your lives is both exciting and nerve-wracking all in one. Lucky for you, bucket lists are a commonplace thing these days, because who doesn’t love talking about kicking the bucket in their late teens and early 20s? Whether it be the pre-orientation jitters or the first foray into college finals this fall that bring you to your premature death, make sure you get these couple things out of the way first.
6.) Take a tumble down the Mount steps:
Freshmen cannot move into sophomore year without having taken a mean tumble down the Mount steps. If your Bean boots didn’t clip one of the steps just the right way and you didn’t eat shit in an over-dramatic fashion, then stand up and pretend like nothing happened in an attempt to avoid uncomfortable fellow-peer eye contact, stay back a year and try again, loser.
5.) Order a Calio while rip-roarin’ drunk:
Calios was not created to be eaten while sober. Once that has been implemented into skulls everywhere, we can move on. It is a downright fib to deny ordering Calios while sloppy drunk. The booze is an anesthetic to the horse meat you are 100% consuming. Don’t check this one off the list until falling asleep before the Horse Meat Calio gets there.
4.) Fuck the RA:
You are literally the laughing stock of the East if you cannot manage to swindle your RA into bed. Seriously, try harder because the entire freshman class gets with the RA. Grab a roommate and get a two-for-one.
3.) Steal your roommate’s wardrobe:
Why else do we have roommates? Whatever they decide to leave in the unlocked closets and bureaus is purely up for grabs. Need some jeans and a cool new tank to match your new gages? When asked where the jeans and cool tank are, deny, deny, deny! It’s all part of the game, and all part of the new you, freshman year look.
2.) Get gauges and make ‘em HUGE:
Nothing says 2011-2018 college student quite like a shiny, fresh new pair of ear gauges. Prove to mom and dad that Syracuse is really helping you come into your true self by getting gauges the size of your skull. FaceTime grandma and show off the new editions. Better yet, pierce anything and everything at any given moment. Freshman year is so cool!
1.) Fake your own death:
OMG every Syracuse student has been there and all the incoming freshmen should, too! A huge tradition on ‘Cuse campus is to pretend to be dead, and wait until someone finds out that you’re actually alive! It’s so fun and such a great memory from freshman year. Common ways to fake death are: choked on a bone from a rogue Ernie chicken tender, hit by a South bus going 45 mph over the speed limit, and smashed head off of icy/unshoveled pavement outside the dorm! The more intricate and well hidden, the better.
Complete this whole list and get ready for sophomore year/the sweet, cold embrace of death! There’s a reason everyone loves Syracuse so much, and this is exactly the reason why. You’ll have so much fun screwing your RAs and fake-dying, Syracuse can’t wait for the Class of 2021 to join in on the fun!
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