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This Nondescript White Guy From Syracuse Saved The Day Against MSU

On Sunday, Syracuse took down Michigan State, 55-53, and you wouldn’t believe who saved the day: one nondescript white guy from Syracuse that you knew nothing about until yesterday. Get the tissues ready, folks—you’re in for a real emotional rollercoaster. 

The walk-on—Braedon or Brendan or something that sounds like a white guy from the Midwest—did the impossible when early this year when he transferred from a Division III school you didn’t know existed and, just yesterday, was put in the Syracuse-MSU game with little time remaining and the odds stacked against him. 

“Hey, Goliath, it’s David—it’s time we finish this once and for all!” the tall pale boy said with his performance on the court, which was, as you could imagine, unforgettable. 

Whoever said dreams don’t come true had obviously never heard of this featureless caucasian male. After the game ended and the Orangemen left the court with their heads held high, could the nondescript lanky white guy with those haircuts everyone has these days even believe his immediate success? 

“Honestly, no chance ever,” he said. “I couldn’t have ever imagined this.”

Athletic and humble? Hey, big guy, phones are ringing: We’ve got big-budget Hollywood producers on line one, and Mark Wahlberg just left a voicemail—he wants to play you on the big screen! 

It’s likely that no one will ever forget this white boy’s performance in this game for years to come, even when more nondescript white basketball players come off the bench during crunch time and prove years of inner demons and the booing crowd wrong. 

Braendon, or whatever, no matter what happens in the next game, you’re truly an inspiration for all nondescript pale-complexion basketball fans everywhere. 


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