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Panasci Lounge is just a chill place for students to hang out, relax and get some work done right? WRONG! Open your eyes, sheeple!! P Lounge is actually the scariest place on this entire campus. Too scared to investigate on your own? Don’t worry, we got you, pussy. We blew off all our responsibilities and stayed there for a whole day to collect the evidence. Here is just some of the truly terrifying shit we discovered.

You walk up the stairs and BOOM what do you see?

Two big portraits of random white people! Hey, we didn’t realize we were in the Haunted Mansion. These are creepy, the eyes follow you around, staring into your soul. It’s almost like they know you are wasting your time and money watching the same four episodes of The Office instead of doing work.

Right when you walk into Panasci there are a few things to take in. It smells bad. Some asshole brought random Marshall Street food in here and now it smells like B.O. You try to sit on the couches in the middle, but, alas, the FYP kids have already marked their territory. One of them hisses at you, and you watch his eyes glaze over as he makes you stand there while he sings the entire “Puttin’ On the Ritz” song from Young Frankenstein. Weird…

Next seat option is one of the chairs with the tiny, tiny, circle desks attached to it. Normally you would go to the other couches, but people have been sleeping there for hours (does anyone who hangs out up here take class?). You have two options: one, you can sit next to the guy eating his rank ass food, or two, a couple who are somehow sitting in the same chair. Even though there is an open chair next to them, they still chose to sit on top of each other and make everyone uncomfortable. Spooky.

The next scary thing you’ll notice is the fireplace.

What do you think of when you see fireplaces? Boom. Harry Potter. Who is Harry Potter the work of? Boom. The Devil himself. Here is a website to prove it. What is more scary than the devil? Nothing. 

You finally get a seat and what do you see?

The ghost of 1980 Otto. Look at those eyebrows—he is sinister af. No one else even seemed to notice though…

Still don’t believe that Panasci Lounge is spook city? Well, explain this, then. Compare these two pictures:

This picture above is from 1869.

This picture? It was taken this morning. 

WAKE UP, SHEEPLE — THE SAME PEOPLE ARE IN THE PICTURE! There is no such thing as time in P Lounge. It is literally always the same up there, even down to the amount of work you get done. 

If you’re scared of being scared and spooked by haunts and frights, steer clear of Panasci Lounge. And take your Marshall Street B.O. food with you, too.

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb, hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep, Mackenzie & Andrea. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

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