Shots have been pounded. Mistakes have been made. You probably jumped up and down and screamed to “Mr. Brightside.” You mysteriously have 32 new friends on Snapchat. You have left whatever gross, sweaty party place you were at. Now – it’s time to fucking chow down. Where are you getting your drunk food in Syracuse?
What’s better than a hot, steamy calzone on a cold Syracuse night? Nothing. They have every kind of calzone you could imagine: there’s one hot dogs and baked beans in it—like, ew, who is that for? You’ll stumble in with the masses, wait on line. Will you get a seat? No, there are, like, three booths. But you know what? Eating a calzone standing up isn’t even the worst thing you did tonight. Sober, you might eat half. Drunk, you is a champ. Mamma didn’t raise no bitch.
Ahh, Acropolis. This rowdy shit hole has a special place in our hearts. Ever want to watch a fight while enjoying the sweet smell of feta cheese? Maybe you’ll even see a girl crying about a some guy named Josh, who is totally a dick. Look to your left and you see a table of silent bro’s—thumbs furiously typing ‘u up’ texts to every girl they’ve ever met. You’ll get a pizza to go (a whole pizza), and on your way home, you’ll have dropped half of it, leaving behind a Hansel and Gretel pizza trail. This, and your Snapchat story, will be key in piecing together your night. Thank you, Acropolis.
Have a sweet tooth? Drunk af? Head to Insomnia right after you crawl out of whatever sticky party you just left. The smell will hit you the second you open the door; depending on how your night went, it’s really great or makes you want to yak. The lady behind the counter will give you that all-too-familiar look (the same one mom gave you when nana died). You know your about to get bad news: they have two single cookies left, one is dirt-flavored (?), and one is oatmeal raisin. Disgusting. You’ll take them anyway, because you are bad at making decisions.
2.) Pita Pit:
Working on your summer body after drinking 300 calories worth of vod cranberries? Head on down to Pita Pit — there is like lettuce or maybe tomatoes on it — so it’s the healthy choice. They hand you your precious sandwich, wrapped up like a little cute baby, but be careful you don’t eat the paper (not like we’ve done that or anything). Anyway, Pita Pit is really good.
1.) Your mac n’ cheese stash:
Gordon Ramsay, step aside! Look at you go, five-star chef, mixing that shit with water and putting it in the microwave. How long you ask? Who cares — you’re drunk af, you’re gonna eat it no matter what. Your mom would be so proud (hot mess, who?). You just cooked yourself a meal. Bonus points if you set off the fire alarm. Double bonus points if you fall asleep with your shoes on before it even comes out of the microwave.
All of these sound like great options, but odds are you’ll just stumble into your shitty apartment and eat whatever food you find.
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