It’s the spring semester of 2018, so for the graduating class of 2019 that means one thing and one thing only: abroad. Or not. Whether good or bad, exciting or sad, we’ve all experienced abroad or at least the loss of a loved one to abroad. To deal with this tumultuous time, The Black Sheep has decided to shit on (and rank) (but mostly shit on) all programs individually to make those still at school feel an iota better about themselves, and those abroad want to hop on the next flight back to LaGuardia in shame.
This place sucks. Bore every last one of your Instagram followers more than you usually do, except for four months straight. Spend your semester eating flower-shaped gelato and getting pickpocketed while strolling the ever-so-photogenic Ponte Vecchio for the 80th time this week. Keep reminding all peasants back in the 315 that you are exponentially better than them by taking a photo every time you eat a personal pizza after Space Firenze. Creatively quote The Lizzie McGuire Movie in front of that goddamn fountain to let everyone know you too can conjure up relevant cultural references from 2003. Hey girl, get that damn firework out of your mouth. Go home.
5.) Los Angeles/New York:
You either don’t have the balls to leave the country, or your helicopter mom hasn’t gotten the memo that you’re closer to collecting Social Security than being under her roof. Either way, you’re pathetic. If your idea of a good time is perusing the Times Square M&M store or spending a semester driving a Prius in the purgatory that is LA rush hour, knock yourself out. Have fun interning at a startup for nothing but a lunch stipend while everyone else is on a liquid diet for 14-straight weeks.
4.) Not leaving:
Anything is better than 5 and 6, including wasting away at a shitty underground bar four out of seven nights out of the week and/or rekindling that old flame from Sadler Hall. Save yourself the hassle of begging for a sublet on the Syracuse 2019 page and hang out for another semester. So what if every last one of your friends is no less than 3,000 miles away? All of them are going to come back enlightened, transformed, and fat, so might as well get a head start on making new ones.
3.) Madrid/Barcelona/London/everything else:
These are all interchangeable. You all do a slight variation of the same semi-interesting thing. Barcelona? Is anyone even there right now? Madrid? Are you sober, like ever? No? Is everyone okay? Keep trying London, we see you. You’re getting there.
2.) Hong Kong/Australia:
Another interchangeable pair. Enjoy the 78-hour time difference while everyone you know and love at home forgets you exist. Coming in a close second, you and the other three-and-a-half people from Syracuse will have a great experience for sure!
1.) North Korea:
Not a typo. Let’s break it down–anything is better than Florence; NK is slightly more exciting/threatening than Hong Kong; and staying in America is so fucking lame it’s not even an option. Everything else is irrelevant. North Korea ranks as the hottest destination for Syracuse Abroad. This place has everything: rewritten basketball rules, a nuclear threat, a 99% literacy rate, and legal weed(?). What more could you ask for?
In conclusion, choose your abroad semester wisely.
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