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I Spent A Week Becoming Otto The Orange For The Clemson Game

What’s up guys? It’s your boy, Aiden, otherwise known as the Notorious A.I.D, or that guy that breathes out of his mouth too close to you in Spanish class. With the big Syracuse Clemson game coming up this weekend, I decided to transform myself into the Big O himself, the king of fruit, Otto the Orange. Here are the steps I took to scare the shit out of the Tigers this weekend. 

Day 1:
I decided to start things off easy by skipping all my classes. I’ve never seen Otto go to class, so I’m not going to either. Today, I focused on visualization, it’s all about brain power baby. First I thought about stuff that reminded me of Otto. Then I thought about stuff that Otto probably thinks about.

                                           

Day 2:
It’s time to bulk up baby! If I want to be as curvaceous and flirtatious as Otto, I gotta pack on the lbs. All I eat now is the cheese from dome nachos with a straw. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. For dessert, you guessed it: more nacho cheese, but for that, I eat it with a spoon.

Day 3:
Dress to impress. I gotta rock Ottos signature look, which includes grandpa sneakers, a very big hat, and track pants pulled up to my nips.

Day 4: 
Beep beep! It’s scooter time bitches. Today, I started riding around campus on a little razor scooter. It’s great timing because all the cheese has really started to clog the old arteries. Plus, the swishy pants are really chafing my nipples

Day 5:
Today, I decided to shave off all my hair. Otto is an orange, so he is bald, and so I am bald in my attempt to become Otto. Missed a couple spots, but I still think I look pretty good. Except I fucked up a little bit and shaved off my eyebrows because I thought he didn’t have any. Turns out he does – so I guess I’ll just have to keep drawing them on until they grow back.

Day 6:
Today is the final day before the game. I practiced my moves all day – all the classics where I shake my arms and bounce up and down. I tried on my blue contacts, and they fit perfectly. At night, I filled my bathtub with orange dye and soaked in it like an easter egg. Tomorrow is the big day, my big reveal. I can’t wait to rush the field with real Otto when we beat Clemson again 

Gameday: 
Time for the big reveal!  I worked so hard all week, everything is leading up to this moment. This is it. This is what I look like now.

We are like twins! People won’t be able to tell us apart!

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb, hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep, Mackenzie & Andrea. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

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