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Syracuse Freshman Far Too Smart For Basic Level Classes

One freshman at Syracuse University, Justin Smith, has determined that his intelligence level is far superior to other freshmen, and he will not need to attend any further ENGL 100 classes at Hall of Languages. Not only is a 10:00 a.m. class impossible to wake up for, Hall of Languages is like, 15 nautical miles from Day Hall, and Smith doesn’t feel like walking that far.

“The prof included the dates of all the tests so I don’t feel the need to attend class except on those days. I’m already proficient in English, I mean I’m speaking it right now, so how hard could a test be?” Smith smirked, “I would rather chill out in Graham Dining Hall crushing push-pops all day.”

Although his education is important, Smith believes that attending 3 of the 4 classes he has this semester is enough education.

“Although I failed English in high school, that was my teacher’s fault, they just didn’t understand me and my writing. I asked my parents to proofread everything I did in high school. Since Ernest Hemingway was so famous for sowing his seed like a corn farmer, my dad checked my birth certificate to make certain that I wasn’t the spawn of Mr. Hemingway.”

ENGL 100 takes attendance as part of the grade, but Smith is confident in his ability to get over the highest grade possible on every test given in the class. With 15% attendance, 15% homework, 20% quizzes and 50% test scores making up the entire point count, Smith will have to get 100% on every quiz and test to pass the class since he doesn’t have the time for the work bullshit his professor will throw at him this semester.

“The basic classes are just too basic, and I’m not a basic bitch.”

The Black Sheep think that every student is smart, but you should probably still attend class. Even if you can use SparkNotes to look up what the hell happened in Gilgamesh.

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