During a recent conference held at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, Mark Dean, current dean of the Tickle College of Engineering, announced that the college had just received approval to begin allocating funds towards constructing a 50-foot tall giant robot, “with the intention of battling against other robots in glorious combat.”
This comes after the announcement that many colleges should expect budget cuts to make room for the engineering departments bold new venture.
While the engineering department has collectively raised their hands in joy, many other students chose to raise questions over the need for a giant robot on campus. Shirley Mason, a sophmore and history major, worried that her tuition was being wasted on projects that would not affect her academic career at all.
“It’s really scary thinking that my money is being taken for projects that I don’t stand to benefit from while cutting the things I actually need,” Mason said. “I guess I just don’t understand the demand for this kind of thing.”
Many others shared her sentiment, but Dean was quick to calm everyone’s fears about where the money would be going. Dean displayed the entire project during the conference, and ran through the various advanced systems required to get the robot to run properly, outlining features such as jet boosters, superheated arm blades, and, “a rail gun that launches $57,000 worth of loose change at its enemies.”
While what role the robot will actually serve is still being decided upon, Dean stated that he wished for the robot to be used to compete against other schools so that UT can stake its claim as the dominant super fighting robot school in the south. This caused many to drop their apathy and show support for the robot.
Gary Miller, a devout UT fan, screamed from the hillside his support of the new sport, saying, “At this point, I’ve given up hope of the football team beating Alabama, so let’s leave it to the engineers.”
Still, some reservations were had about the project. “One problem is that we aren’t really sure where we could allow the robot to fight at,” Dean said. “After all, a robot stomping through the city and crashing through buildings would certainly cause millions of dollars in damages, something we cannot afford to compensate. Luckily, the cuts to the College of Arts and Sciences will easily cover the down payment on a new state of the art giant robot arena. All that remains now is to find someone stupid enough to pilot the damn thing.”
Dean and his compatriots are currently searching for a pilot that has little to no self esteem and relies completely and will be willing to recreate their entire personality in order to seek approval from their peers. The engineering department is certain they will find someone with school starting soon.
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