Listen up, everyone: this is not a drill. As you know, Fall Break starts on Wednesday and you’re probably going to have to learn to lie to your parents. Unless you’ve been a flawless student up to this point (you haven’t, keep reading), then you may need to brush up on your class syllabi and due dates, so you can at least seem like you know your stuff. You really need to know your three G’s:
The first G is probably the most important one that you need to have a handle on. Your parents don’t have access to your grades at all, and you should use this to your advantage. They don’t know you have failed all of your accounting quizzes, your two psych exams, or that you haven’t been to your finance class at all. You have to be smart about the way that you handle this. You can’t blow things too out of proportion and say that you have all A’s or anything. A couple of A’s is fine, but you have to be able to lie your way out of any situation you get into. Two A’s, Three B’s, and a C is just way more realistic.
Your parents are hoping to be grandparents one day, so naturally they are going to grill you about any special someone in your life whether they are real or imaginary. The only valid solution? Make up a romantic partner. You can kind of get creative with this one, and it’s highly encouraged that you do so. There’s the stereotypical girl next door with big dreams, a strong personality, is probably an aspiring artist or photographer with big dreams. Or the bad boy with a soft side. He has tattoos, rides a motorcycle, who seemingly doesn’t give a shit about anything when you first meet him but gradually shows you that he actually does through some dancing shenanigans. So that’s actually the plot of Dirty Dancing, but you get the point.
The last G is goals. You need to be working towards something; it doesn’t really matter what kind of degree you’re going for, but you need a plan. You can major in whatever you want to from (business, english, economics, vocal performance, or underwater basket weaving)—basically anything is valid as long as you don’t back down from your plan. You have to seem confident. Parents dig confidence; it makes you seem like a real adult and not a burden that they have been carrying for 18+ years. They’re ready for you to start carrying your own ass through life, and honestly, that’s what they deserve.
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