Jeremy Pruitt, the Alabama defensive head coordinator hired by the Vols to extinguish the dumpster fire that is its football program, will be coaching the Crimson Tide in the National Champhionship game against Georgia on Monday night. With the trend of Tennessee football in the past few years, though, this could be the last time Pruitt feels anything remotely close to success, and that’s not the only things he’s thinking about. From deep inside the psyche of Pruitt, the five thoughts that are side-scrolling through his brain today.
5.) “I wish I had more hair so people could see me lose it when I move to Knoxville”:
Pruitt, bald, is undoubtedly shedding copious amounts of hair whereever he’s got it. If his shiny globe of a head were filled with just a few strands of some Butch Jones-brunette spikes, we’d really be able to see how much stress the move to a medicore SEC team from a potential National Champion is giving him by that hair falling away.
4.) “Can I keep my job and do that Knoxville one remotely?”:
Unlike those to-good-to-be-true online jobs that promise six-figure pay all from the comforts of your beer-and-coffee stained couch, the head coaching job at Tennessee cannot be done in your pajamas from Tuscaloosa. You can almost hear Pruitt sighing when he thinks about all the ways it could be possible, but realizes it’s just not possible.
3.) “What’s Greg Schinao’s number?”:
If Pruitt helps notch the Crimson Tide a win tonight, the last thing he’ll want to be doing tomorrow is hopping on a plane to Knoxville. Schinao, a one-time Tennessee head coach for about eight minutes, would probably jump at the opportunity to do some head coaching work under Jeremy Pruitt’s name, but then again, Volunteers would probably burn the city to the ground if they found out.
2.) “Hey, those Volunteer fans should really be paying more attention to women’s basketball”:
In an attempt to divert attention away from Tennessee’s football program, Pruitt definitely has undefeated on his mind (the women’s basketball team, that is). The Lady Vols are a glimmer of hope in the Knoxville athletic sphere, and if it weren’t women’s basketball, people might actually be paying some serious attention to this one.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck fuck, fuck.” One of, if not the best cuss words on the market, Pruitt’s inner monologue screams “fuck” whenever the words “Tenneseee football,” “future prospects,” and “winning season” are mentioned in the same sentence. Or, when he realizes he won’t be on the winning sidelines for at least another year.
Though commentators will be speculating in full force during the National Championship game, no one will quite be able to get into the mind of Jeremy Pruitt quite like us. Hey, don’t think he didn’t see how we all treated Butch, no matter how bad he was…
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