Picture this: you’re walking along, doing the student things on campus, when suddenly, your stomach starts shifting. “Uh oh, what’s this?” you think. Strange, burpy sounds emanate from within your lower torso. You realize what’s happening, and clench your butt just in time to stop that loud, stinky fart from leaking out. Sound familiar? It’s happened to all of us. And that’s why we have prepared the list of the top places to fart at UTK, so that the next time the moment strikes, you’ll be ready.
10.) Ped Walkway:
Ped Walkway isn’t ideal, but it will do in a pinch. If you manage to let a fart out on Ped Walkway, there’s virtually no way that anyone will be able to pinpoint you as the culprit. If you can let out a stinky enough fart, perhaps you will scare away the street preachers and students who want to hand you invites to their charity poetry slam.
9.) The Grate:
If you can’t make it all the way to Ped Walkway proper, consider letting a fart out near the grate in front of Clarence Brown. It’s already unbearably hot (thanks to the grate doing its job), and the smell of a big ole’ fart would (hopefully) mask the smell of the students vaping nearby.
8.) The stairway in the Student Union:
The never-ending stairway in the Student Union is a pretty good place to fart. It’s usually unoccupied and thanks to its non-Euclidian design, any fart will be diffused through the 50 or 60 floors on the stairway.
7.) In line at a Subway:
Subway already smells like farts. The combination of low-grade ingredients and student workers has created an environment where a fart is a welcome reprieve from the all-consuming stench normally associated with Subway. This is the case for both the Subway in Fred Brown and the Subway in the Student Union.
6.) Comms Building:
We don’t know what’s up with the Comms Building, but it always manages to smell like stale cigarette air. Seriously, every student on campus could drop a fart in that building and it would still smell like the set of Mad Men.
Speaking of ancient smells, HSS smells like a straight hospital. Like the world’s oldest, loudest hospital. Fart to your heart’s desire in HSS; no one will notice, and even if they do, you can blame it on the homeless guy napping the corner.
4.) Anywhere in Pres Court:
Pres Court is open-air, so any fart released there will have less effect than it would indoors. Plus, if you fart in Pres Court, you would be helping cover up that weed smell. After all, Vols Help Vols.
3.) A bathroom:
This one is kind of a stretch, but if you just have to fart, and you are not near any of these wonderful locations, considering going to a bathroom. Once inside, you can safely fart without any of your fellow students judging you.
2.) Cumberland Avenue:
There is always so much happening on Cumberland (construction and otherwise) which makes it a great place to pass gas. No matter how loud or wet your fart sounds, you can rest assured that it will not be heard over the sound of jackhammers and frat guys bumping to Lil Dicky.
1.) The Dumpster Behind Reese Hall:
The dumpster behind Reese is, without a doubt, the worst-smelling place in the South East. It smells like the rotten remains of a thousand Cook Out meals, like the accumulation of years of pizza slime and piss, like…well, you get the picture. If you are about to pass the smelliest fart of your life, head here and you won’t even notice the fart smell. Just makes sure to burn all your clothes once you return to civilization.
Hey! Listen and subscribe to our GIRL POD: