Butch Jones has officially been fired as the head coach of the University of Tennessee following the Volunteers loss to Mizzou with 33 unanswered points to round out the game. In the wake of this news, UT’s search for a replacement coach begins. Here is a list of coaches the staff of The Black Sheep believes to be more competent than Jones:
7.) A Magic 8-ball:
“Hey, Magic 8-Ball. Should we run the football?” Signs point to yes. That’s decidedly an improvement. It’s going to be good to have a coach who can tell you decisively what to do in any situation that the team finds itself in. And on the off-chance that you get a maybe, you can just shake the 8-ball again. It’s revolutionary really.
6.) A guy on Tinder with fishing pics:
It’s a well-known fact that anyone who posts pictures of themselves fishing is an expert in every subject. You don’t even have to ask what his opinion on the Butch Jones issue has been. He’s been chanting “Fire Butch,” since the first time UT was down by three points this season. Say what you will about him, though—he seems passionate about our team.
What this fanbase really needs is a figure to rally behind. And, who better to lead that movement than the mascot that everyone already supports? Smokey has been on UT’s watchlist for the past five years. Ever since he got loose and took a bite out of the Kentucky kicker, fans have been praising his dedication to the team. UT needs to bring in a well-loved coach to curb all of the hate.
4.) That one kid who always answers the professor’s questions in your psych class:
Sometimes, the answer to a problem is in front of you the entire time, or in this case, sitting in front of you at 8 a.m. on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Hell, if anyone knows how to solve this problem, then it’s the genius who can understand all that jargon your professor is throwing at you before you’re fully awake.
3.) A supreme pizza:
A coaching staff overflowing with everything that people love. UT needs a coach that they can rally behind, one who really understands what the fanbase is about. And who can hate on a pizza? If worse comes to worse, and you have to get rid of it, then you could just eat it. Plus $12 for a coach that the university only keeps for a few years seems much more reasonable than $12 million.
2.) A Mad Libs book:
If there’s anything that the naysayers are going to miss about Butch, then it is his quotability. “Champions of Life,” “brick-by-brick mentality,” and “the only 5-star that we even concern ourselves with is a 5-star heart” are all memorable quotes from the Butch era. But the impactful quote ratio could just be filled by getting a Mad Libs and filling in the blanks.
1.) Jutch Bones:
After hearing the news that Butch Jones had been let go earlier this morning, UT received a job application from one Jutch Bones. His past seems to be a little bit of a mystery, but he claims to have been recently let go from his D1 coaching job and is back on the market. Sounds awfully convenient.
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