With Halloween comes SPOOK and, in Knoxville, there is no shortage. Post freshmen-15 bods in skin-tight costumes or straight-up lingerie is enough to scare most around Halloween, but after taking the time to study the area, The Black Sheep has compiled the scariest places at Tennessee aka the list of everywhere that you need to visit/avoid depending on how big your balls are:
7.) The Bluffs:
A short walk from Cherokee Trail and The Woodlands, you’ll find the ghosts of lost virginities and brain cells. The Bluffs is known for late-night “romantic” romps in the dirt as well as the best place to get stoned—just don’t fall off like the many idiots who have almost caused the area to be closed to the public.
6.) McClung Museum:
Any museum has to have some lost souls trapped in the artifacts don’t fight the facts. The big ol’ dinosaur skeleton out front (AKA Monty) isn’t real, but y’all they have the actual bones inside (Have you ever seen Night at the Museum?) You’re not gonna cash me close to it on Halloween.
5.) South College:
Nothing against Ray’s, one of the best places to grab a bite when on the Hill, but that building is too old to not have had at least four (4) murders happen in it. Probably professors who wouldn’t bump grades up a few decimals points.
4.) Presidential Court:
Nancy Davis was murdered in cold blood in South Carrick by her roommate, Sarah Mary. Nancy and Sarah both rushed in their first semester of freshman year and Nancy got a bid to Tri Delta while Sarah didn’t get a bid at all. Sarah was always jealous of Nancy and ended up becoming an alcoholic, exclusively drinking Barefoot Moscato and coconut rum. Tensions built and one night when she was going to a date party, Nancy stole Sarah’s last bottle of Malibu. You can imagine that shit got real.
3.) The Stairs to the Hill:
Students’ dignities have died on these painfully long stairs more times than the number of games UTK has lost since it started its football program. You know you’ve seen somebody’s soul die when they make it halfway up then just heavily sigh, and start walking back down.☺
2.) 5th floor of John C. Hodges Library:
Dim lights, rickety chairs that can be heard from a mile, and soft echoes of the sighs of defeat heard all around this silent study floor. If you’re on that floor, you’re ready to die from an overdose on accounting or anatomy.
1.) Fraternity Park:
Y’all have heard the stories, so don’t try to tell anyone that there isn’t about to be some creepy hazing happening: swallowing goldfish whole, buttchugging, elephant walks, being forced to drink disgusting, low-quality beer… If they’re not being hazed, they’re beeping brothers and the drunkest girl at the party back to the house for some bad sex and a walk of shame the next morning. Natty Lite cans hanging from trees that clank in the wind and pledges making sure the balls don’t touch (we all know what happens when the balls touch).
Lucky #7 is def a TOP SPOOK this year. If you manage to make it through this list and still be alive: take 2 shots of vodka, do a keg stand, chug a bottle of Moscato and butt-chug a bottle of Fireball (in honor of fall, because it’s cinnamon), then it’ll be time to get a little crazy.
Listen to our podcast!