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How to Best Avoid the Strange Men on the KAT Bus

We all will, one day, be forced to ride on public transport, which may mean unwanted encounters with some of the undesirable occupants of the bus. While most people will keep to themselves and could give a shit less about your terrible life, some actively seek you out, and these are the best ways to avoid a few of the more colorful characters on your ride.  

4.) Avoid the guy who, so help you God, will find something to talk with you about:
These characters are quite interesting, as they brag a lot for someone forced to take public transport. Most of the time they will either listen to your conversation or analyze your outfit looking for an in, and once they have found it, there is no stopping them. They will proceed to rattle off facts, whether they be true or complete bullshit, in an attempt to amaze and astonish, such as how they have figured out how to generate electricity through plants. The best method for dealing with them is to rattle off your own facts in an attempt to intimidate them with your “superior intellect.”

3.) Avoid the one who (insert addictive behavior here) his way out of college and doesn’t want you to make the same mistakes:
Very similar to the the guy above in terms of behavior, but very different in their intent. The guy who drank, robbed, etc. his way out of college is obsessed with making sure you do not make the same mistakes they made. They have lived a long and storied life, and the power of whiskey compels them to relate it to you. You will be assigned nicknames, like “The Man with The Plan,” or, “The One Who Saved Me.” They will tell you about how they wrecked their body downing an unhealthy (and probably untrue) amount of whiskey back in ‘72. It will be in your best interest to nod along, wait until they leave, and promptly throw out their advice on betting on horse races.

2.) Avoid the cult guy at ALL COSTS:
Definitely one of the rarer denizens of the KAT Bus, though still terrifying to deal with. Most can be identified by being extremely overdressed for any bus ride, yet decorated with splashes of color such as various buttons or glitter under the eyes. They also usually have arms bulging with pamphlets and free books and smiles as wide as you can possibly imagine. Most will utter creepy incomprehensible phrases such as, “Bye, bye, birdie. God’s gonna take you away.” The best course of action when dealing with them is to accept their free stuff and move away as quickly as possible before they start guilting you for donations.

1.) Avoid the guy who likely escaped prison from downstate:
The most dangerous rider out there. Under no circumstance should you interact with them for an extended period of time. Keep in mind that many of them are not in control of their actions, so watch out when you see them walk on with their empty guitar case. Your best bet is to hope they sit a decent ways away from you, pray they choose someone else to bother, and start texting your friend for a ride when they start screaming threats and racial slurs.

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