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Students Outraged Over Cancellation of ‘So You’re Attracted to Smokey’ Sex Week Lecture

A large faction of students banded together yesterday around the Torchbearer in protest against the university administration for their cancellation of the “So You’re Attracted to Smokey” Sex Week lecture for students who want to bone the mascot suit.

Many were seen carrying signs with phrases like “Let Me Lick the Blue Tick” or wearing full-body Smokey Suits with sexy lingerie over the top.

“UT is infringing on our rights as students by taking away this lecture,” proclaimed Timothy Spencer, a business major and lover of all things Smokey. “They berate us, calling us strange and alien, but our love of Smokey is undying, and no mockery or disappointed letters from my father will end this admiration.”

Even as the crowd reached the triple digits, the administration remained stalwart in it’s cancellation decision. “Listen, I will be frank with you. These people are just annoying,” said an administrator who wished to remain anonymous. “If they could just keep quiet and bottle up their fetishes like all of us do, then there would be no problems. But no, they have to paint the rock, they have to hand out the postcards.”

Still, some have been able to turn this display into a good thing. James Ritchie, a local t-shirt manufacturer, has already cornered the market, producing a plethora of topical shirts. The most popular shirt simply says, “Giving the Dog a Bone.”

“These kids, they’re great. They stand up for what they believe in, and they refuse to back down. They got a warrior spirit,” said Ritchie in between sessions of counting his stacks of money. When asked about what his plan was going forward with his business, he said he planned to travel the country, encouraging students to come out and preach their feelings about wanting to fuck cartoon animals.

In entirely unrelated news, the student who wears the Smokey suit at athletic events has decided not to return to his position next semester.

Know anyone at one of these schools? Refer a friend for a marketing job, get $100 if they’re hired!



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