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5 People That Should Go Up on The Neyland Video Board

Beginning Monday, staff from the University of Tennessee will begin to bring down Butch Jones from the back of the Neyland Stadium video board, a project long overdue since he was fired on Nov. 12. That was almost four months ago, and since, we’ve brought on Jeremy Pruitt, the Vols modern-day Lord and Savior. But will Pruitt be promoted to the video board so soon? Or will it be somone else? We put our brightest minds to see who could replace the late coach on the back of the Neyland video board. 

5.) Jutch Bones, who’s told us he’s not just Butch Jones with a beard and glasses: 

Jutch Bones, a relatively-new figure seen walking around UTK’s campus, convinced us that he should go up on the Neyland video board. We were a bit skeptical at first; when we screamed, “BUTCH,” he turned around suddenly, but he said that was because he’s bully in high school used to call him “Butch.” Taking the anti-bullying stance we do, we would not mind seeing Jutch grace the screen, even if he is Butch Jones with a beard and glasses. 

4.) Jeremy Pruitt’s sixth grade teacher, Bill Ayers: 

Yep, this is really Pruitt’s sixth grade teacher. We saw it on the local news, one of those puff pieces about how everyone knew Pruitt was going to do great things one day even when he was 12 YEARS OLD. Ayers seems like a pretty white-bread dude who does his taxes, goes to church, loves his wife, and sneaks some dessert when everyone’s gone to bed, even though his doctor said he has high cholesterol, so we’d love to see him up there. First stop, the Neyland video board, next stop the White House? 

3.) Ali Abu Al-Ragheb, former prime minister of Jordan and University of Tennessee alumnus: 

THE DUDE LED A GODDAMN COUNTRY! WOAH! That’s a bit more impressive than tarnishing the University of Tennessee’s football program, so we’re putting some of our eggs in the Al-Ragheb basket. 

2.) Novelty figurine of Smokey riding a surf board on spring break: 

Awwww! Look at the lil’ guy, standing up on his back legs, shreding some sick waves and hanging ten (and that’s actually the way a dog would wear shorts). Being just a mere six-hour drive away from the nearest ocean, we’re all for seeing some more gnarly Smokey in our life and believe he deserves a spot right next to that ol’ white guy we still don’t know. 

1.) Greg Schiano, due to a fine-print contractual oversight that now requires us to showcase his face on the back of the Neyland video board: 

That’s right–all of those other options were just a distraction. Due to a contractional obligation stemming from preliminary head coaching talks, Schinao snuck in the minor detail that his face must go up on the Neyland video board whether UTK hired him or not. We’re not happy about his smug face going up there, but goddamit, you have to applaud the guy for thinking up such a thing. 

Hey, at the end of the day, we can all agree that having anything other than Butch Jones up on the Neyland video board is a good choice. Even if it’s Jutch Bones. 

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