So you’re alone again on Valentine’s Day. That’s totally fine; college dating is overrated anyhow (that’s what we’re telling ourselves, anyways)! Before you get drunk and end up messaging your ex, try these fun, UT Valentine’s Day non-romantic ideas that aren’t bound to make you feel a shitload of regret.
6.) Visit the Butch Jones poster that’s somehow still at Neyland Stadium:
Yes, it’s still fucking there. No kidding. It is almost as if UT is still not 100% sure about their last breakup and haven’t quite decided yet if they are ready to move on. If your school can’t be asked to deal with this heartache at the moment, why should you be expected to deal with yours? Just find a rebound, like UT did with basketball.
5.) Swipe endlessly through Tinder:
Everyone is on Tinder on Valentine’s Day (except the people in relationships) (wait, maybe not so much). You didn’t pay much attention in stats, but you’re pretty sure that there’s only so many times you can swipe right before a match is mathematically guaranteed. Just use a picture of you with your dog (or your friend’s dog, or Smokey) and the cute factor will make up for your bland bio and/or shitty pickup lines.
4.) Date the Rock:
No, not Dwayne Johnson, sorry (though kudos to you if you can tap that). Your best bet might just be to bring your dream partner to life on one of UT’s most artistic pieces of nature. Your painting may not be the most talkative date, but it’s better than nothing, right? Right? To be frank, this wouldn’t be the worst thing to have been painted on the Rock this year – looking at you, white supremacists.
3.) Make trail mix at “Volentine’s Day”:
Sure, there are definitely more exciting ways to spend Valentine’s Day than going to the Hodges Library to learn about healthy relationships and make trail mix in a university-planned event. But… free food, right? It’s more nutritious than the delicious and romantic dinner of ramen noodles you were planning.
2.) Galentine’s Day! (Bro-entine’s Day?):
Maybe it’s time to hang out with all your single friends! It’s time for Netflix (but not Chill). You can also take the money you would have spent on a date and buy ridiculous amounts of alcohol. Or go by Hooters. Sure, it’s probably the grossest place to be on Valentine’s Day, but they’re promising free wings to anyone melodramatic enough to shred a picture of their ex in the restaurant.
1.) Just play Fortnite instead:
You are already guaranteed to be surrounded by people, albeit with the intentions of murdering you. It’s still better than nothing, though. You do have a measurably better chance of getting… well…lucky in Fortnite than if you were to go outside and actually attempt to interact with others.
Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Talk of Shame: