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Can We All Just Agree That Vocal Performance Is The Worst Major At UT?

Vocal Performance is the worst major at UT. God. Why do you all think that you’re the pinnacle of art? Spoiler alert! Despite what you may believe, you aren’t the next Beyoncé. And if you are, hey, it’s me Adam! Remember we went to UT together? 

Hey, no one is saying that it isn’t impressive that vocal performance majors can sing. It’s a neat talent, and a great party trick just to belt out the chorus of “My Heart Will Go On,” to kill everyone’s buzz. It’s really just a problem of attitude.

If you’re complaining about not being able to party because of it affecting your voice, then you’re just an asshole. Sing for me! Sing for me! The rest of us aren’t ruining our GPA getting lit on a Tuesday to hear you complain about how you got an A- on your singing test because you smoked one cig. I can sing while smoking two to three cigs at a time — now that’s a party trick! 

People bitch about business majors because they think that the classes are really easy compared to their science-heavy, bullshit-riddled course load or whatever, but vocal performance majors just, like, sing. Right? I have not looked into their course load, but I don’t intend to, so I’m standing by my assertion. 

While we have the business majors here, let’s petition to unite business and liberal arts students against the arts! 

Back to vocal performance majors: you could just be born with the incredible ability to sing, and you will never have to work at it, right? Plus, if you’re in a choir then there are days where you don’t really have to do anything. Just skip, bop, doodly bop through the notes and pray that you don’t stand out. That’s it. As someone with ears, this is all I hear. Yes, there are things that you can do to build your singing voice, but damn, you guys.

Also, people like vocal performance majors are why the Starbucks line in Hodges is always so long. What’s a man got to do to get his sixth coffee refill of the day? 

“Excuse me, can I get a Venti Honey Citrus Mint Tea? It’s great for my vocal cords. Vocal Performance major, here.” Like, OK, bitch, you can, it’s a free country, but we get it: you sing. Y’all are the type of extra ass people that occupy a booth in Hodges all day just to call your tumblr boyfriend at NYU to complain about the South. So what if I’m not transcending time and distance by loving some other living and breathing human who reciprocates those same things unto me? Who needs it?  

If you don’t like it here, please leave. The rest of us will be way happier knowing that you’re gone. Why do you even go to Hodges? The music building has its own library for God’s sake, and it’s not like you need to read for your major, right? 

Honestly, the Music Department at UT is kind of like a cult. You go into the Natalie Haslam Building once, and you never leave again. I’ve never even been inside, and that just goes to show you it’s a cult. It’s a black hole. The walls of the building assimilate budding doctors and warp them into the vocal performance majors that cause all of this campus’s problems. Or as I’m told. 

Petition to make all vocal performance majors wear a treble clef to identify themselves across the campus. It would let you know to avoid them from the get-go, though considering they let you know their major within the first three seconds that you meet them, it’d be pointless. 

Maybe the entire program should just be shut down. Tennessee isn’t big enough to avoid all of these musical assailants. Anyway, I’m done talking about this. I have a Russia BA to work toward. 

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