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7 Ways You’re Getting Kicked Out of Uptown This Weekend

Before you head out to have fun on the town, there’s some things that you guys all need to know about Uptown, specifically what you should never do if you want to have a good time and not get kicked out. Let’s be real: that’s super embarrassing and no one wants to be remembered as the guy who got thrown out of Uptown.

7.) Falling asleep on the toilet:
No one is more hated than the asshole who passes out in a bar’s bathroom. There’s not a worse feeling than waiting in line at the bathroom for 20 minutes only to find out that some dude has passed out in a puddle of his own piss on the floor the whole time.

6.) Hopping the wall:
Now some of you might remember when the staff of The Black Sheep had some questions for the guy who hopped the wall at Uptown a couple of weeks ago. But all that being said, it can only be assumed that doing this will for sure get you kicked out if you’re dumb enough to get caught.

5.) Playing tonsil hockey on the dance floor:
Okay, so this one won’t actually get you kicked out. Does it not feel awkward knowing that literally everyone in the bar can see you? But in all seriousness, there are way better places to do this then on the dance floor in front of a crowd of people. Find a dark corner in the bar or go to Taco Bell if you want to get to know them better.

4.) Being too old:
Everyone knows that Uptown is really a daycare. It’s the bar you go to if you’re too young to go to the more serious bars. You need to be 18 or a parent going with your child (as a joke). Those are the only two acceptable groups that should be allowed into Uptown.

3.) Throwing up on someone:
This one really doesn’t need more explanation than the fact that it’s just gross. If you have ever thrown up on someone in a bar, then you deserve to get kicked out. Nothing will sober someone up faster than worrying about how to get blue vomit stains out of their clothes.

2.) Fighting another person:
It doesn’t matter if someone spilled their drink on you, accidentally made out with your girlfriend, called you a shady bitch, or stole your Uber. If you fight in Uptown, then you will get kicked out. You’ll probably end up being exploited for likes on Twitter, too. All you can really do is pray that whoever records you is kind enough to blur out your face, so that grandma won’t be able to recognize you.

1.) Trying to get behind the bar:
This premise behind this is pretty simple. If you try to sneak into the kitchen at a restaurant, then they are probably going to kick you out. They’re not being dicks for not taking your drink orders fast enough or cutting you off. They’re probably just tired of dealing with your drunk ass and honestly so are the rest of us, so try to tone it down just a little, huh?

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