It’s time to register for the spring semester, yet it can be hard to know exactly what to take in order to keep that 2.2 GPA from dipping into academic delinquency. Not to worry, because The Black Sheep has you covered with five easy-ass, totally real classes that you are certain to get a high grade in. All you have to do is remember to register at 5 a.m. to hold off the masses and get these courses.
5.) LAW 601–Legality of Stealing Speedway Bricks:
Take a deep dive into the questions surrounding UT’s hottest accessories: stolen Speedway bricks. Taught by some of the UT Law School’s best professors, learn everything you need to know in this extensive course that offers it all, from areas to find bricks out of view of surveillance cameras, to the best contacts for fencing the stolen memorabilia.
4.) AST 321–Flat Earth Theory:
Taught by both NBA superstar Kyrie Irving and rapper B.O.B., learn about the many converging theories of how everything you know about the Earth’s shape has been a lie. Endorsed by former Texas governor Rick Perry, this course will also teach you everything you need to convince these dumb liberal Austinites how evolution isn’t real.
3.) UGS 301–What to Order at Wendy’s:
Like all undergraduate studies classes, this course is only restricted to freshmen. But, if you do qualify, this is a class you absolutely need to take. Taught by world-renowned professor H.W. Brands, this course delves deep into food ordering theory and offers students the opportunity to gain invaluable experience in combating a Baconator-induced heart attack.
2.) HIS 369F–Remembering When Texas Football was Good:
This class combines everything you loved about Texas football growing up: Vince Young’s heroics against USC, Colt McCoy lighting up the Big 12, and that one year David Ash didn’t get injured. Learn what exactly a bowl game is, and relive how the Horns put up more than two scores against good teams once upon a time. In case this class fills up quickly, consider HIS 369D–Remembering That One Time A&M Lost a Game 77-0 as an alternative.
1.) RTF 333–Influence of Matthew McConaughey on Modern African American Culture:
Tracing the career of legendary UT alum Matthew McConaughey, from humble origins as a small role in Dazed and Confused, to his breakout part as Guy #2 in 1993’s My Boyfriend’s Back, to his role today as an Oscar frontrunner for his work in The Dark Tower, and how it all relates to elements of black culture, such as hip-hop and Kwanza.
With registration season in full swing, let’s face it, you deserve a break from the stresses of taking all these hard-ass classes. So, treat yourself and take something light before you die of anxiety.
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