Nothing goes together better than a child’s playground game and old man alcohol. This game will channel your past, present and future whilst getting hamma-lamma-ding-donged. Be sure to play by the rules, but not by memory, you were probably a cheater and a bully on the playground. Here’s how to play this hopscotch drinking game:
What You’ll Need:
Alcohol (Preferably scotch, duh.) Chalk or masking tape. Markers for each person playing – bottle cap, rock, coin, etc. Working knees and ankles, you geezer. At least an ounce of balance. Two legs if you got ‘em.
Number of Players:
1 or more, but preferably more. Don’t be the kid who had no friends on the playground, and if you were this is the only chance at redemption.
Level of Intoxication:
Speaking infantile English –or whatever is your native language is– as you keep trying to walk in a straight line. Talk like how you did to your imaginary friend that moved away.
How to Play:
– Draw out the playing area with chalk by alternating one square followed by two squares. This should be 8 tiles total, in a 1,1,2,1,2,1 width pattern.
– Player one throws their marker in space one, then has to hop to space 2, continuing the course touching all boxes without falling on their faces and ruining their braces.
– Players continue in their order. Remember to follow the leader!
– Once a player falls or fails to skip over the space their marker is on, the player is eliminated. She must take a pull of scotch or alcohol.
– Repeat the process until you successfully get to the end.
The Game Ends When:
None of you imbeciles can hop, skip or jump to your next shot. Inevitably someone will sprain their ankle so be careful when hopping, and remove all glass in the surrounding area, because the most tragic way for this game to end is in the hospital, the real world’s nurse’s office. Make sure you hop there for bonus points.