A local fraternity is experiencing some incredible negative energies today after their astrology themed party failed to garner any interest. The theme was conceived by Alan O’Connor, a long time frat star whose idea seemed to be in retrograde.
“I guess in hindsight I really didn’t know anything about astrology,” admitted O’Connor, “but I felt like I had a pretty good idea about what it probably was.” His fraternity brother, Dan Day chimed in, “Alan felt like he could keep the frat fresh by appealing to the one demographic who never comes to our parties: the girls in his arts classes. But he blew almost our whole budget on an old guy with a laser pointer.”
O’Connor continued, “I knew we needed more than an old guy to point at diagrams and tell us which dipper is the big one for a successful astrology party. The girls in my arts classes always talk about Signs, which I think is weird. I mean it’s an alright movie, and a little dated, but if that’s what they liked then I’d have a couple of my brothers dress up as the aliens.”
Day cut him off, “Those costumes are really hot, and impossible to talk in. You know how hard it is to tell someone you’re a….” Day trailed off a minute to check a note, “Ravenclaw in one of those? When I finally took the mask off to see the art girl I thought I was talking to, I found out was talking to the old man for 15 minutes.”
He continued, “It turns out the only person outside of the fraternity who wasn’t paid to attend was an astronomy major who had nothing better to do on a Saturday night than complain about how people always use the wrong word to refer to his major. I put the mask back on so I wouldn’t have to listen to him.”
This party is only the latest in the frat’s long series of ill-fated party ideas. Previously they’ve attempted a salad-themed party, and whatever the hell a “reverse Gatsby” party is. Better luck neck time, fellas!
Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.