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6 Red Flags of a Disastrous Cal Sorority Date Party Set Up

Ahh, sorority date party, the prom of college, except you broke up with your boyfriend Chad last month and you really need to show him you’re better than him and you’re doing totally fine… plus there’s a shit ton more alcohol. Anyway, chances are you got set up for date party and now it’s a total disaster. But because, we as a reputable magazine on campus, really care about you, here are six pre-telling signs your date party set up WILL be a disaster.

6.) You never saw Him in a group picture:
Surprise! Your date is short. There’s nothing wrong with it, but society has really built up this thing where tall is equated to attractive, so it’s kind of a tough pill to swallow. 

5.) He’s in BCR:
We guess the chances that a frat guy are in BCR are proportionally higher than the average Berkeley student but it still sucks. He keeps bringing up how he’s socially liberal but fiscally conservative. Also, he looks surprisingly like Steve Bannon. Huh? That’s odd, probably nothing though.

4.) He keeps bringing up how much he likes anime:
Liking an artform from another culture is nothing to be ashamed about, but your very caucasian date bringing up that he likes anime three times in your first conversation is not reassuring. We’re not sure why, but it’s really not.

3.) He does not know the lyrics to the entirety of Carly Rae Jepsen’s Emotion Side B:
You’re not asking for prince charming here, but there’s an expectation for certain basic human qualities. It’s simple stuff really: basic grooming, tipping over 18%, and knowing every single word to Carly Rae Jepsen’s follow up EP to her opus record Emotion.

2.) He’s actually Steve Bannon::
You thought you were taking any old ATO to date party, but nope! Turns out you accidentally took Donald Trump’s super racist former chief strategist. Yikes! Don’t be too hard on yourself, anyone could have made the mistake.

1.) All of your friends have real dates:
You’re here with Steve Bannon, who on top of all the racism things cannot hold his shit, while your two roommates are off having fun with people who wholeheartedly love them. Bitches.

Okay, so you ended up taking Steve Bannon to date party, but don’t be too hard on yourself… at least you didn’t take a Fiji.

 

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