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6 Ways the Cubs World Series Championship Guarantees Cal’s Victory Over Stanford In The Big Game

 

The Chicago Cubs won 8-7 against the Cleveland Indians last night, securing the seat of World Series Champs after a 108-year losing streak. It’s no surprise people are trying to figure out what this means for them—nay—for the world. We’re here to tell you how this unexpected series (haha get it) of events means Cal will win the Big Game:

 

6.) Both Teams Haven’t Won the Title in a Long Time:

For a record 108 years, the Cubs had not won the World Series, which is a very long time to not win for. Similarly, Cal hasn’t won the Big Game in 6 years (a fact that we are honoring with the number of items in this list), which is also long time. Think about this: 6 years ago, Justin Beiber’s Baby just released, people still cared about the Twilight series, and Donald Trump was just lowly reality TV show personality. Now 6 years seems like forever ago. In short, due to this day and age of fast technology, 6 years might as well be 108.

 

5.) Both Teams Have Bear Mascots:

 

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Despite the fact that Berkeley and Chicago are geographically distant from each other, athletes on the Cubs play for millions of dollars while athletes on Cal Football play for mopeds, both teams play completely different sports, among many other differences, they do share something very important—mascots. Cubs are the young form of a bear, that is to say, both mascots are carnivorous mammals of the family Ursidae. This is crucial, because it means that both teams pay tribute to the Bear gods. And if the Bear Gods were willing to spare the Cubs a win last night, they most surely will do the same for the Golden Bears in two weeks.

 

4.) Both the Stanford and Cleveland Indians are Racist Entities that Must be Destroyed:

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It’s a well-known fact that before 1975, when Stanford adopted the rejected Tim Burton character that is the Stanford Tree, their mascot was “the Indian.” It’s true; Stanford has a dark history that they’ve been actively hiding for years, and dark history of evil and malice. And even though they have since changed their athletic representative, the until-now hidden undertones pervade the institution. Obviously, there are strong parallels with the Cleveland Indians, who also use the effigy of a group systematically relocated and destroyed by the same culture that created the sports appropriating their image. Clearly, if the Cubs can vanquish racism in an evening of sports entertainment, so can Cal.

 

 3.) It’s in the Numbers:

The Cubs were on a 108-year losing streak in the World Series. Cal is on a 6-game losing streak in the Big Game series. Now, if you take 6, divide it by 2, it becomes 3, making it prime. You can “transform” this Prime like Optimus into a 9. Then take 6 once again, multiply it by the 2 we used earlier, and multiply the product, 12, with the 9 we got earlier. And what number do you get after you follow these logical steps? 108.

 

2.) It’s Rigged:

With all the high-stakes of sports gambling, there’s no question that last night’s victory was more rigged than this Presidential Election. It was too fairy tale, too spectacular, all ploys to distract from the fact that the outcome was weeks ago. Moving to the world of high-stakes college sports gambling, I also believe that Cal is rigged to win because it would be yet another fairy tale underdog story of a team winning against all odds.

 

1.) We’re Not Really Invested in Either Team:

We don’t like baseball. So we didn’t care who won last night. Similarly, Cal does have a trend of losing, and if we do, WE also won’t really care. Baseball and football will probably be extinct in 100 years anyways. At the end of the day, we are all just stardust, particles searching for meaning amongst an infinite universe. It doesn’t matter who wins the World Series, the Big Game, or even World War III, because eventually we’ll all be gone…which is the key similarity between these teams.

 

 
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