In 1971, Philip Zimbardo ran the infamous Stanford Prison Experiment. The psychological experiment tested the behavior of predominantly white male college students in a mock prison.
Zimbardo called the revelations of the experiment “astounding,” as he’s never bothered to talk to women or people of color about their experiences with the demographic he tested. An excerpt from his scientific journal deeply muses, “Who knew that humans were this evil?” —a profound thought that no doubt came from his data about privileged male behavior.
Thus from these sound conclusions, it has long been thought that this experiment showed the inherent evil in humanity, but this has recently been debunked. Experts now believe the Stanford Prison Experiment actually reveals the insidious behavior of Stanford students.
“We were looking over the data from this experiment, and suddenly we realized something horrific,” stated Dr. Barry Belardi. “Every single individual who acted with malice in this experiment was a Stanford student.”
The data doesn’t lie: 100% of Stanford students tested resorted to traumatizing others when they were given the chance. “Society at large needs to know that Stanford students are clearly very dangerous individuals,” said counter terrorism expert Dr. Samuel Wells.
“This thing goes even deeper if you start digging,” an anonymous source revealed. “The man who ran this experiment was none other than a Stanford professor.” Indeed, the deeply complicit mastermind behind this entire debacle was also someone who taught Stanford students regularly, probably about how to be even more evil.
“Honestly we’re not sure what’s going on over there, but it seems like a classic example of a cult,” said social anthropologist, Wendy Ramirez. “These people maybe didn’t start out this way, but we can definitely conclude that Stanford was the place they were first documented as disturbed.”
Experts warn all California residents to stay clear of Palo Alto, and to not engage with anyone who thinks a tree is a cool idea for a mascot.
Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.