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Cow Disguised as Student Recently Discovered and Expelled

You may have already “herd” the news, but we here at The Black Sheep have the inside scoop on the topic that’s so shocking, almost too shocking to be true. UC Davis junior and veterinary major, Moorine Dairy, was recently discovered as not being human, but actually just being a cow with a baseball cap on, posing as a student. The whole school is in absolute shock as the news comes out. It’s left everyone sad and confused.

One of her fellow classmates, Jessica Days, had some intriguing thoughts about it all. “Everything makes sense now,” she said. “I never understood how she was so good with the animals that we worked with. She always seemed to have such great insight on the way animals thought and how they processed their environment. Honestly, I always thought she must have just grown up on a farm or something.”

Senior UCD philosophy major and Moorine’s boyfriend, Derek Bender, was especially shocked. “You know, I don’t have a problem with the fact that she’s a cow. I love her for who she is on the inside, I couldn’t care less about something so trivial as her species. What I can’t seem to get over is that fact that she lied to me for so long. I would have understood, I would have protected her and I would have kept her secret,” he said as he began to sob. “I just feel so betrayed. I really thought that our love and trust was stronger than that, you know?”

The dean seemed very ashamed that they had let this go on for so long. “In hindsight, I really think we should have known, I mean she does look like a cow, but how can you just say that about a student? That’s got to be some form of discrimination, and we do not tolerate such. All of her applications were perfect and she was a top student here at UCD, I’m very sad to see her leave, but what other option did we have?”

Following her expulsion, many UCD students gathered in support, unsurprisingly holding rallies to advocate for the faculties’ reconsideration. They could be seen marching all over campus with signs, claiming speciesism on part of the university and coming together with chants like, “No speciesism here today! Moorine Dairy is here to stay!”

When Moorine was asked about her situation, she was quoted saying, “Mooooooo.”

Powerful stuff, isn’t it folks? For something like this to be happening right in our own backyard, really makes us think about the way we see others. This story is quite a tribute to how accepting and supportive our campus is here at UCD!

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