With romantic sunsets, twinkling lights downtown, and a small college town vibe that most indie movies would die for, Davis would be a great movie set. But, could it accommodate some of the greatest movie classics? If Lady Bird couldn’t even grant us a single scene, despite poking fun at us on more than one occasion, how can Davis ever expect to become the set of a movie that it truly deserves? Here are some movies that would be TOTALLY different if they were set in Davis.
If Titanic were set in Davis, there would be no Titanic. Instead, it would just be a movie about a love triangle with between a rebellious sorority sister, her gross frat bro boyfriend, and the indie kid returning from study abroad that she meets in an art class. How would Jack tragically die like in the real Titanic? In the arboretum, of course. Some how he and Rose smuggle a canoe into the arb and she pushes him off and drowns him.
5.) Footloose (the original, with Kevin Bacon):
If Kevin Bacon came to Davis, ready to be a rebellious bad boy seeking some dirty dancing and rock music, he’d fit right in. He’d just have to join some sort of dance club, and at no point would a creepy reverend spew weird rhetoric about dancing and singing to him (unless he maybe broke out into random song in front of the MU with the Preacher around).
4.) Home Alone Two: Lost in New York
If poor Kevin got lost in Davis, he wouldn’t have nearly as much fun. First of all, Davis is too safe for him to be that scared—he could find a number of students who’d be down to help him. Plus, he would never find a toy store that cool here, and he did, any single item would probably max out his dad’s credit card. Kevin probably would have gotten bored in the first hour of being here and gone straight to the police station to sort everything out.
3.) The Little Mermaid:
In this scenario, let’s imagine the arboretum had a kingdom of mermaids in it. Ariel would have lived a pretty boring life, before peaking her head above water and seeing the dreamiest fourth year, Eric. Demanding to meet him, she’d trade her voice for some legs and stalk him around the university. Sebastian, an otter in this scenario, would coach her until Eric admits that “he can’t see anyone right now, because he has to focus on his studies.” Even Ursula couldn’t tempt him away from his books because Eric wanted to graduate before the university hiked up the tuition again.
2.) Star Wars:
Most likely the Rebellion would probably just be a group of hippies on the quad, passing out fliers and speaking into a microphone. Old Ben (Obi Wan Kenobi) would be played by the Preacher. The Death Star (like our actual Social Sciences and Humanities building) would be a point of interest just because there’s definitely a dark side of the force type evil that went into creating that building.
1.) Sleepless in Seattle:
If Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan both live in Davis, the probability of them not knowing each other is slim because Davis is so freaking tiny. But, even if they manage that, the ending would probably be pretty tragic. In this version, Jonah tells Annie (Meg Ryan) to meet his dad on the highest point of the Death Star on Valentine’s Day. When Sam (Tom Hanks) finds out, it’s too late. Jonah has already left for the Death Star and gets lost in there forever. Sam spends the rest of his days wandering the building looking for his son, and Annie leaves, thinking she was stood up and never believing in true love ever again.
Sadly, most classics would actually suck if they took place in our little old cow town. Our only hope lies in some indie movie about hipster college kids, so let’s get on it so Davis can be a cool movie set for real.
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