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Liars Who Don’t Want To Admit That They Didn’t Get Into Berkeley, And 4 Other Types Of People In This Year’s Freshman Class

As most UC Davis students know, mostly by going outside and talking to anyone, Davis is not the first choice for a lot of people who go here, especially not for the Davis freshman class. However, there are a special few that actually want to be here more than anything else.

5.) Former horse girls:
If you went to elementary school, you probably remember the many girls that came to class in tiny cowboy boots and really liked the movie Spirit (if you were homeschooled, you were this girl). They may not be horse girls anymore, but they’ll still come to Davis due to the instinctive draw of horses. They might make some excuse about Davis’s large animal vet program, but no one is that hyped about operating on 300-pound pigs.

4.) Hippie environmentalists:
Only a certain brand of hippie chooses Davis as their first choice. The political hippies go to Berkeley, the stoner hippies go to Santa Cruz, but the earthy-crunchy hippies flock to Davis like moths. Also like moths, they prefer all-natural fiber sweaters. You can find them forming communes in any house large enough to fit twenty vegans that wash ziploc bags to reuse.

3.) Late high-school burnouts:
This person is the gifted-student-turned-underachiever. They most likely contracted a deadly strain of senioritis in high school and grabbed a few too many C’s while applying to colleges. Whoops. Even though there was no chance Stanford taking them anymore, at least there’s still Davis. They can be found wasting hours in the library because they never learned how to actually study, and drinking heavily.

2.) Farm kids:
These kids knew how to milk a chicken, or whatever, before they could walk. They might be local, but who knows? They come from a town with that no one has ever heard and that can only be described as “in the Central Valley.” They’re the only type of student to unironically take the tractor-driving class. They do get hyped about operating on 300-pound pigs.

1.) Liars who don’t want to admit that they didn’t get into Berkeley:
Nah, they wanted to come to Davis. It wasn’t that they got rejected from Berkeley. Davis has a great engineering program, too. Some people even say it’s better. That’s it. They don’t even like Berkeley.

These are the only people that actually wanted to go to UC Davis. The rest of you will just have to settle.

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb, hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep, Mackenzie & Andrea. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

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