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6 UC Davis Traditions to Do Before Graduation, Ranked by How Likely You Are to Get Arrested

With graduation approaching, there’s only so much time for seniors to check off everything left on their senior bucket list. And while there are a lot of traditions at Davis, not all of them are created equal, and some are a lot more likely to get you arrested by Davis police than others. Starting with the safest and working up to the most risky, here are six Davis traditions that you must accomplish before graduation, and how likely you are to get arrested while attempting them.

6.) Undie Run:
Remember the undie run? Well, you’re either a freshman or you’ve got some unlucky night classes, because if you live off campus it’s easy to forget that this was a thing. Regardless, it’s a tradition at Davis, in that more than a few people do it pretty much every quarter. You might not know anyone who’s done the undie run, but you definitely know someone who’s totally wanted to do the undie run because wouldn’t that be so cool? You probably won’t get arrested for this, because if students can openly organize running around in your underwear screaming for over a decade, it’s not stopping anytime soon.

5.) The Trinity:
The trinity combines the Davis staples of locally-owned restaurants and drinking because there’s nothing else to do into one time-honored tradition. It involves drinking a shit-ton of alcohol packed into three drinks with the goal of finishing in 90 minutes, starting with the most-embarrassing-to-order drink in existence, the Wicky Wacky Woo. You’re not likely to get arrested for this unless you are being obnoxiously drunk in public, but is the hangover and/or acute alcohol poisoning worth it? Definitely.

4.) Sex in Wellman at midnight:
Yep, this is a thing. Apparently people forget that Wellman is an overall gross building in general, and want to get nasty there in the middle of the night. Anyway, if you have a very specific fetish for 1960s brick architecture and gross carpeted floors, or are really keen on getting asbestos exposure, go ahead. It’s somewhat likely to get arrested, made less by the fact that no one is poking around there at midnight unless they’re also having sex. It’s hard to imagine why anyone would do this in the first place.

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3.) Streaking in the Quad:
If you like the idea of the undie run, but it just has too many people and not enough of your-junk-hanging-out, streaking in the quad might be for you. This isn’t as much of a “tradition” as “something people do because they’re dumb and frats are bad for peer pressure,” but it’s included anyway, because any stupid decision can be reframed as a tradition when you reminisce about your glory days in 20 years or so. If anyone sees you, you’re probably going to get the cops called on you, but it’s totally worth it.  

2.) Cow tipping:
Most people will buy a kitschy “UC Davis Cow Tipping Team” t-shirt without having ever having tipped a cow in their lives. And that’s fine. That’s fine. It just means you’re a city slicker who can’t tell the front end of a tractor from the back. And that’s unforgivable. Real Davis students know that cow tipping is a time-honored tradition that must be taken seriously. Unfortunately, cow crimes are the worst possible crime in Davis, and are punishable by death, but real Davis students know the risks.

1.) Forming a squirrel army and threatening to take over the Chancellor’s Residence:
If there are two things that are quintessential Davis, they are squirrels and attempting to overthrow the sitting chancellor. Therefore, the purest, most distilled form of Davis tradition is to form an army of squirrels and threaten to overthrow the chancellor, installing a squirrel chancellor in his place. This has a high likelihood of arrest, but if you manage to pull it off you have a squirrel in the chancellor’s office who can easily sway things in your favor. They can’t touch you.

Have fun doing as many of these as you can before graduation, and remember that The Black Sheep does not accept responsibility if you actually get arrested doing any of this, but we’ll be your one phone call.

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