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UCD Freshman with Bike Bell Thinks She’s God

Tens of students have been flocking to hear Alyssa Bleak’s fanatical speeches about her newfound powers. A freshman and UCD biking newbie, Bleak claims she’s become a superhero with one item: her bike bell.

She first discovered her ability to control biking traffic on the first day of winter quarter classes. In an exclusive interview she claimed, “I got this bike bell for Christmas. It was nothing special…or so I thought. When I used it, it’s like I controlled all the power in the world. No more bike accidents, just a clear road right ahead of me. It was nothing short of … magic.”

One of Bleak’s most adamant fans has actually seen her in action. He explains, “It’s incredible. She parts the waters of bikers like freaking Moses. With every ring of her bell, bikes just inexplicably move aside.”

Others don’t see the situation as whimsically. Davis senior, Bryan Kendall, commented on the recent celebrity. “It’s definitely not the bike bell. I’m sure you can alert people with it, but let’s be real people are probably just trying to avoid yet another wildly driven, giant ass cruiser in the bike circles.” Several upperclassmen have shared similar sentiment, acknowledging that it may not be the bell that holds the power, but there may be some magic in the ability of a freshman to annoy everyone in a bike circle.

Despite some disbelievers, Bleak can be found giving radical speeches every Tuesday at the MU. She’s created a small number of followers who call themselves “The Bell Bringers,” and she’s begun to dress in long white robes with her hair down. It is here you can find her and the Bringers passing out bike stickers that say “Bleak take the Handle bars.”

Bleak has found new ways to use her bell too. You can find her cutting through lines at the D.C., pushing aside other students to get an aisle seat in lecture, and effectively proving her insanity, all with the rings or her tiny bike bell.

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