Summer’s approaching fast and love is in the air (along with horrible allergies and intense amounts of stress). If you haven’t got that summer romance figured out just yet, we’ve all the tips you need. What better place to find your next fling than in Shields Library, where half of the school population is this week, studying and cramming for papers and finals? Here are 6 different ways to seduce a stranger in Shields.
6.) Become a fake sexy librarian:
Fulfill your future partner’s fantasy by becoming a sexy librarian. Ruffle up that hair, wear a stuffy British suit or dress, and grab a pair of nerdy glasses. Then, all that’s left is to strut your stuff with confidence and don’t be afraid to make intense eye contact. If someone mistakes you for a real librarian, answer all questions with a flirty “What do you think?” followed by a wink.
5.) Wear a shirt that says “Don’t SHIELDs your heart from me”:
Enter the library with a zipped-up hoodie. Find someone you like and make intense eye contact with them as you unzip your sweatshirt. Underneath you’ll be wearing a shirt with the words “Don’t SHIELDs your heart from me.” The amount of effort you put into this alone will probably win over the lover’s heart. If not, then you’ve probably creeped them out. Move on.
4.) Carry a book titled, “How to Stop Being SUCH a Sex God/Goddess”:
Read this book openly in public and pretend to take detailed notes. This will signal future partners that you’re a freaking catch and you’re actually SO amazing that you need help dialing down the awesomeness. This will DEFINITELY intrigue someone.
3.) Pretend to ask for help on a study question:
UC Davis’s universal language for “I like you, but I’m too scared to ask you out,” is simply saying “Do you want to study together?” So, just ask someone in Shields a study question (preferably about something they look like they’re actually studying). Be sure to offer lots a compliments and inflate their ego. If you need further instruction or you don’t believe this will work, just see Katie work the magic in math class in Mean Girls.
2.) Reach for that book on the lowest shelf:
When a potential partner’s in sight, reach down to grab a book from the lowest shelf. Go slow and pull one of those famous bend and snaps. Work your stuff and the rest will be easy. Again, make sure you get some serious eye contact afterwards.
1.) Offer free back rubs to reduce study stress:
It’s sort of hard to meet people in the library when you’re really not supposed to be speaking too loud, so speak with your hands (respectfully and with consent of course). People are totally stressed when their in Shields! They’re studying, and trying to focus, and trying not to pull out their chairs without making that horrible elephant noise. Chances are, someone will take you up on that free back rub and maybe even start to love you just for making them feel better. It’s worth a try!
Next time you’re forced to go to Shields to just try and get some work done, take solace in knowing you might just find your true love there, and if you do, you’ll know exactly how to win their heart.
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