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UC-Riverside’s 5 Stages of Grief for the First Week of Classes

Sad SZN’s among us. Students are moving into their dorm rooms, Highlanders are back to visiting the Hub, and the yearly battle greater than the one for Winterfell at the neighboring lots are all in swing. You may not have gotten into Dirty Thirty BIO030 course and have half of your classes at the UV, but at least you’ve got Block Party to let you wallow in your suffering right before the real suffering begins.  

We can mentally pep talk ourselves into starting the new year as a totally new person that definitely is not going to skip class every other week, but nothing can prepare you for the roller coaster of emotions during the first week of the fall quarter. From Scotty levels of grinning, to SOC TA heights of grimacing, here’s the spectrum you will probably be feeling deep in your loins over this first week:

5.) Monday – Taking in the Scenery (Euphoria):
Sweeter than the finest MDMA. Whether you are a first year or a fourth year, the first day always starts off with a feeling of freshness as you pump yourself up for the new quarter. Heading to the SRC, eating Panda while you can afford it, having syllabi workit becomes an amalgam that’s a sight to behold before reality kicks in. You’ll walk away thinking, “Got my grub on, but didn’t pig out. I gotta say it was a good day.”

4.) Tuesday – Getting a Slight Grip (Excited/Dreading):
By the second day, you’ve already met a majority of your professors, leading you to conclude which one will be the death of you/which one you feel will be worth your presenceto see which are which, check the “Smoker’s Hole” behind the Barn to gain insight on a syndicate of pedagoguery vexation. You’ve got all your syllabi printed and decked out in different colored highlighters that you definitely won’t lose by the end of the second week (definitely not). A budget has been set as you are determined to not spend half your paycheck on Coffee Bean, and you feel that the quarter is off to a good start as you are getting your life together to take on the fall quarter. Won’t be long before you’re back to your dirty ways of skipping class over D&D at the Lat.

3.) Wednesday – Pat on the Back (Proud): 
Congratulations! Day three and you’ve only had to fight off one panic attack and the side effects of Xans. A good number of students have abandoned classes or have decided to take advantage of UNLH courses that don’t mind attendance. Take a good look at these Highlanders, you may not see them until Week 8. Hang in there! You’re already halfway into the first week! And also, don’t forget those two quizzes you’ve already got to start studying for.

2.) Thursday – Question Potential Future (Doubt): 
It’s almost Friday, you’ve gone to the first lecture of the weekwhat harm could it do to sleep in and skip ENG1B when you’ve got flapjacks and hard-shelled taquitos waiting at the Lothian cafeteria? Once you finish there time is at such an abundance that you decide to walk to the UV to watch the 31st anniversary re-release of Hannah and Her Sisters knowing your iLearn’s likely to be blown up with notifications.

1.) Friday – Curse the Ground of Lot 30 (Drained): 
Victory is hard to express when you feel as though your professor have succc’d the youth out of you by the end of the day. Friday night partying becomes a deep intimate date with your bed or perhaps if you have the energy for it, rally up a search party for the Moo-Moo truck and treat yourself to something tart avec tiny peanut butter cups. Scotty would be so proud of you knowing you made it through your first week, but this rollercoaster of emotions will return in different order next week. Enjoy your weekend.


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