Happy Thanksgiving, Highlanders! Even though UCR’s jammed in a quarter system and it all feels terrible, most of us are stuck here till Tuesday night, which truly means that Thanksgiving break starts now. So, in case you forgot, (because it is very easy to forget), here are the top 7 things you should be grateful for because you attend UCR:
7.) The smell of on-campus cum trees isn’t year round:
Imagine if we had to deal with that shit all year. Every time you’re feeling down about living in Riverside, just think about how awful four seasons of cum tree fragrance. If this doesn’t guarantee a brighter perspective on your end, we don’t know what will.
6.) We only get crime alert emails maybe twice a week:
Seriously, it could be everyday. Every hour. No one’s consistently sending us e-mails like UCPD without fail about arson or petty theft at the UV. It could be worse. And they remind us to be on guard and trust no one (not even the government).
5.) Our mascot isn’t a baby:
Remember when UCR gave a free movie premiere for Happy Death Day (a genuinely GREAT reason to attend UC Riverside), and having to watch it thinking: Is that school’s mascot really a baby? Fortunately, it’s not. Imagine if we had to be the UC Riverside Babies.
4.) Even famous people that come to our school agree that Riverside as a city is trash:
Pete Davidson, a comedian on SNL and definitely sexier than Blake Shelton, said that he was surprised to see a homeless guy cracked out next to a dead guy in what used to be the Wal-Mart parking lot. And we collectively said, “Oh, Pete, if only you knew.” But it’s nice to think that you share similar opinions with Pete Davidson. Also, RIP Wal-Mart.
3.) They opened a new parking lot:
We complained about Lot 30. We picketed. We rioted. We protested. Nah, we didn’t do that, but we did write letters and strongly-worded tweets. But, still, UCR said, “Yes, we hear you guys and we want to help you!” So they opened a new parking lot for gold permits, still miles away by the UV. Thanks, UCR.
2.) It rained for five minutes the other day:
If you actually got up for your 8 a.m., you would see that a few days ago it rained for approximately five minutes. People Snapchatted it, and when those of us who were too hungover to wake up for 8 a.m.’s went to see for ourselves, it was over and 80 degrees again the next day. But hey, it happened, and it’s not even December yet. That’s impressive.
1.) We’re not UCM or UCSC:
That’s right. UCR’s moving on up, slowly but surely. We’ll all be gone by the time it finally has a decent reputation, but at least we’re not in the middle of nowhere, or in the middle of a forest with banana slugs as dates.
Never forget everything you have, Highlanders. But stay humble, and good luck with those awkward family questions at Thanksgiving. Remember, the more you drink, the less it sucks.
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