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UCR Student Not Looking Forward to Two Christmases With His Girlfriend And Side Chick

UCR sophomore Jacob Greene will have to balance his Christmases between his current girlfriend and his side chick.

“I honestly have no idea how I’m going to be able to pull this off. It’ll be a damn miracle if one of them doesn’t find out about the other. I just wish I never got myself in this mess in the first place. But hey, if it means I get to bang two girls whenever I want then I guess this is the price I pay,” Greene told The Black Sheep.

He originally was not planning on getting himself in this predicament. Greene came to school this fall in a committed long distance relationship with his girlfriend from high school, but things started to get out of hand.

“I wasn’t seeing her a whole lot, maybe once or twice a month, so I decided I could have a girlfriend for when I’m at school then a girlfriend for when I go back home for break, too. What could go wrong?!” Greene explained. “The only problem is that my side chick only lives 20 minutes from me so she wants to hang out all over break. I probably should have done some research on that but honestly, I’m way too lazy to care.”

“I have no idea what I’m going to get either of them.” Greene continued, “I’m just gonna take my mom’s credit card, go to the mall and buy my girlfriend a necklace and whats-her-face like some nice shoes or something,” Greene explained. “I just have to make sure I don’t spend more money on my side hoe than I do on my actual girlfriend. I have to at least show her a slight bit of respect while I completely disregard everything else about her.”

Greene was also adamant he wasn’t going to break it off with either of them.

“Nah, two girls at once is worth the hassle. If one of them finds out though and I end up going missing, you have your suspects,” he told us with nervous laughter.

Greene is still unsure how he plans to balance his time between Christmases with the two women.

“Yeah, this is where it gets messy. It’ll have to be about seven different lies I tell each of them so I don’t get screwed over. I’ll probably have to do a quick hangout with one of them on Christmas Eve, the other on Christmas Day, and come up with some bullshit to avoid either of them Christmas Night.”

Greene continued on with his alright plan: “I might say something like ‘Oh I’m just gonna make this a family night’ or ‘my siblings and I are gonna do some family bonding tonight.’ I don’t know, I’m sure I’ll be able to tell them some horseshit lie that will get ‘em off my back for the night.”

When we asked what his plans were for New Year’s Eve and how he’s going to manage giving both women midnight kisses he responded with a clear and succinct “Oh, fuck…”

 

The Black Sheep UCR is hiring staff writers for next term, apply now!

 

If you’re saying you’ve never experienced DADs, well, you’re lying:

 

 
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