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Lot 3:16: Commuter Finds God Before Finding Parking

Among college’s most stand-out plights, Parking solidifies itself in the top tier of problems, below Academics but just ahead of ‘Cheap, Off-Brand Alcohol’ and ‘Having to Floss your Roomie’s Teeth’. Commuters at UCR have grown accustomed to spending more time driving in search for a spot than driving to school. Daily, the element of uncertainty and disappointment haunts students that will never find parking or ultimately do, only to face a 25-minute walk from the back of the lots to campus. In this climate of despair, a miracle often finds its way in. For Fourth-Year Political Science Undergrad and habitual clothes-wearer Daniel San, this miracle came in the form of faith when he was searching for a spot but found more than he expected.

“I like God now,” proclaimed Mr. San, coming from a background of nominal, undefined spirituality, or claiming to be whatever religion his love interests were. “I wasn’t always spiritual af. I mean, I dug ‘Passion of the Christ’,” he confessed, twiddling his platinum, Supreme brand crucifix necklace between fingers. “Aside from the deistic bedroom tapestry and occasional listen to ‘Father Stretch my Hands, Pt. 1’, far was I from immersing myself into spirituality or the belief of a higher Being. I truly wasn’t on track to believe in Him or graduate in four years. Now I am for one of those!” Daniel San sternly believes that his encounter with God was divine intervention in its purest example.

The day was January 17th, near noontime. A nightmarish interval for any commuter. Mr. San was navigating the lanes of Lot 30 looking for a parking spot already ten minutes tardy for his CS008 lecture as a result of waking up late after another a labored night of crafting NBA highlight compilations for his YouTube subscribers. After 25 minutes of searching and several spots that appeared empty but were filled with Smart cars, Mr. San frustratingly shouted to the Heavens, “SHOW YOURSELF!”

San made his return to the front of Lot 30 with the terms of missing lecture when a vehicle pulled out in front of him. Decorated in Biblical decals and an “I Pledged CalPirg” bumper sticker, the vehicle cleared the spot, allowing Daniel’s Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme Classic Brougham to fill it in. With tears in his eyes, conviction in his heart, and Anti-Social Social Club hoodie on his back, Mr. San slowly nodded his head and whispered underneath a repented breath, “My. Guy.”

Since that ardent Winter noon, Daniel has shifted his focus to becoming an example of dignified faith. Every morning before checking for the latest deals in young adult accessories, shoes, gear, and streetwear, he says a quick prayer for all his mates. “Life’s turning around, B.,” he confessed. “I’ve learned to count the blessings in my life like not ending up in Merced or UC Davis. If a guy like me can be saved, my GPA may also have a shot.”

To those interested in attempting a similar ploy in order to find a parking spot at UCR, we’ve obtained a copy of Daniel’s full prayer, use it wisely:

St. San’s Prayer

“G, forgive me, for I have Booled.

I forsake my ass to attend Mass.

I trade my timbs for Thine hymns.

Deliver from me from Bricks,

to pursue the Supreme most High.

Oh Lawd, protect my Squad.

Guide our fits and Adidas, too.

Line our wardrobes with Balmain,

that we May shine for You.

In all I choose to follow Thine Will,

Forever I fuck with the Vision,

alright boys, let’s build. “

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