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Thanksgiving Break Reveals UCR Student Bottom Man On High School Totem Pole

Freshman Allan Barterson, upon returning home to San Bernardino, for Thanksgiving Break, learned he was the low man on his high school friend totem pole.

“I planned on ignoring the group texts all day, then answering, like, super-late,” Barterson recalled, “you know, really let the guys know these days I’m a busy bee.”

To Barterson’s surprise the texts never came.

“I must have turned my phone off and on at least a dozen times,” Barterson noted, staring into the distance, “I went outside, too. I figured maybe switching to T-Mobile killed the reception in my room. Nope. Nothing.”

Anxious, Barterson eventually texted friend Ricky Jormund on Thursday, November 24th. He has yet to receive a response.

“Eventually,” Barterson sighed, “I drove over to Paul Foiberg’s place and all their cars were there. I could hear them inside, but when I knocked on the door everything went quiet. I even called Paul. I could recognize that Chainsmokers ringtone anywhere! Classic Foiberg! But, he just hit ignore and they went back to playing Quarters.”

Barterson sat in his car for 30 minutes before going home to spend the night Facebooking his roommate, sophomore Liam Watts.

“Watty mentioned freshman year he had played the same game with some loser kid he hung out with in high school,” Barterson said, “and that’s when I knew, I was that kid.”

Following his conversation with Watts, Barterson called reporting a noise violation at the Foiberg residence and unfollowed his high school friends on Twitter.

 

The Black Sheep UCR is hiring staff writers, apply now!

 

If you’re saying you’ve never experienced DADs, well, you’re lying:

 

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