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The 6 Types of Lawbreakers You See in Lot 30

Parking at UCR is the school’s biggest drawback. Their favorite claim is that they’ve accepted over five thousand freshmen and transfer students more than they did the previous year. Throughout this year, we at The Black Sheep noticed the type of people we all turn into when we can’t find that open parking spot. So we all break the rules a little just to get enough time for us to get to class and hope that TAPS doesn’t cite us.

6.) The Double Parker:

The double parker is the worst in our opinion. It’s okay if you take one spot, but two? You’re an asshole. Think of parking in Lot 30 like parking at Disneyland with some kids in your backseat, they don’t have to be your kids or anything, but the point is, they’re kids. IF YOU WOULDN’T DO AT DISNEYLAND WITH KIDS, DON’T DO IT HERE. Simple phrase to live by. Passerbys will curse our name until it becomes a sin to say, “That white Toyota Camry with the coexist sticker” without having goosebumps.

5.) The Brawler:

The Brawler is a person who is passionate about school and doesn’t want to miss an opportunity of the gift of learning. That’s why they resort to violence when someone steals their parking spot that they’ve been patiently waiting for. We didn’t know that students at UCR would resort to such action without one of our staff members openly mentioning an experience she had–actually witnessing someone be knocked out over a parking spot. Note, we do not condone violence, so don’t steal parking spots and save yourself a video on WorldStar.

4.) The Speeder:

This dude is that guy who’ll go sixty in a twenty five. They’re usually upperclassmen or the freshmen who just got their license the summer prior to attending UCR. Being the first to a spot is their main priority, safety is an afterthought. The speedster is never caught, not because they’re too quick but because there’s never a TAPS member with a speed radar clocking every hour to watch over the parking lot.

3.) The Lover:

This person goes to the most romantic spot of all of UCR, the parking lot, because that’s where most of the real action happens, not the clock tower. There are a ton of spots where nobody goes, like the back corners looking westbound, nobody goes there late, besides these people. There’s no shame in hooking up in your car, but if you’re parked next to these people just try to not make eye contact because it is awkward as shit. The life of a commuter is a hard one.

2.) The “Handicapped”:

The “Handicapped” is a person who is perfectly able to move, but parks in the handicapped spots. They are one of the most impatient type of people. They have a Darwinist mentality and a “survival of the fittest” type attitude. They don’t even try to protect themselves by having a fake badge to put on their rearview mirror. That’s how confident they are. They’re also, not only risking a citation from TAPS but also a ticket from the city of Riverside. The people who do this are the type who only have a few classes and think “It’s only going to be an hour or two,” Thinking that they can go to class, make it through under the bridge, and back to their car before anyone noticing. Don’t be this person.

1.) The DIY:

This person makes up their own parking spots. There are a lot of empty parts in Lot 30 where one can mistake for a parking spot, like get their hopes up, and decided to park there regardless if there’s paint there or not. This person has tons of opportunities to park along the edges of the lot or even towards the entrance of the lot near Martin Luther King Blvd. This person’s car is riddled with dents and dings likely from cars hitting it for being in spots where cars don’t belong…

Parking at UCR is underdeveloped to say the least. It’s like living out in the purge, laws mean nothing out here. Protip, get here either really early, or schedule your classes late in the evening because the lot will most likely have plenty of spots open. Happy parking!

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