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Top 10 Alternative Facts Every UCR Student Has Told

Students tell lies – sorry, alternative facts – at every college. Of course, there are the general ones we all know: yes mom I’m eating three nutritious meals a day or I go to the gym at least four times a week, but there are some that pertain specifically to UCR…

10.) “No, I didn’t go to a party on a Thursday.”:

Sometimes, the weekend starts on a Thursday. Got an 8 a.m. on Friday? Doesn’t matter. Thursday really determines the rest of the weekend. Eventually, you stop questioning if it’s a good idea to go out during the week.

9.) “The hike to the C was so easy, I barely even broke a sweat.”:

Students definitely get mixed reviews to the difficulty of hiking up The C. The guys who wear muscle shirts (but don’t have muscles) will tell you the hike was nothing, basically just a stroll. The honest people will tell you that they almost fell 69 times and they regret not bringing water because vodka is not thirst quenching.

8.) “I didn’t look at what anyone picked on their clicker, I got those answers by myself.”:

No one even blames you for this one. Professors are asking you to cheat with this system. Maybe you say you’re just “helping each other out” to not feel like such a disappointment, but everyone knows the truth.

7.) “I don’t know where all my dining dollars went!”:

Yes, you do. It was Sour Patch Kids at Scotty’s or chicken nuggets at Glen Mor, around 1 a.m., after coming back from “Narnia.”

6.) “I was studying at Orbach for like five hours last night.”:

One: you were studying or watching YouTube videos of dogs doing push-ups? And two, five hours? Really? Maybe two.

5.) “No, I don’t still listen to Pitbull.”:

Everyone just has to listen to “Timber” occasionally to get them in the mood.

4.) “I don’t think I’m gonna go too hard pre-gaming for Block Party.”:

That’s what they all say. They want to remember the concert, the artists, the experience. And then, four hours later, you’re in the medical tent and they’re injecting a banana bag in you.

3.) “I’m only going to eat from the salad bar in the dining hall this quarter.”:

Oh, and the pizza. And maybe just some fries. And I can’t skip the soft serve machine. The freshmen 15 is a myth.

2.) “Of course I know what a Highlander is.”:

It’s something Scottish, right? Or a car? Wait, is that what Scotty is? Is it a Highlander a type of bear? A type of land? A kind of drug? All of the above?

1.) “We’re the most diverse UC; there’s not even that many Asians here.”:

Half of this is true. UCR is the most diverse UC. But there are that many Asians here.

Keeping telling your alt-facts, UCR students. Everyone knows the truth anyway…


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