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Top 6 Ways to Use UCR’s Campus to Sober You Up

Sometimes, UCR students get drunk at very inconvenient times, like when they have to get past security to get into a concert, or when they have to take a midterm. If you find yourself or your friends on campus needing to get sober fast, hopefully this list helps.

6.) Jump in the SRC pool:

The pool is located right outside the gym, and UCR students have free access! So why not take advantage of it? A quick jump in should sober anyone up pretty quick. Or they could drown, depending on how f*cked up they are.

5.) The Coffee Bean and Starbucks:

We have multiple places to get coffee on campus, but The Coffee Bean and Starbucks are the biggest. So, get one venti coffee from Starbucks, and one large from The Coffee Bean. Chug the one from The Coffee Bean (can also be shotgunned), and dump the one from Starbucks on your head/splash on your face. This will either make you alert enough to get past security/take your test/etc., or it will give you severe burns.

4.) Sizzle at Glen Mor Market:

Everyone knows greasy foods help with hangovers, so get a jump start on that! You can get a variety of greasy foods from Sizzle, including burgers, fries, and chicken nuggets! Occasionally, the meat in the chicken nuggets will have a black spot in the middle of them, so the shock of eating/nearly eating that would be enough to snap anyone out of a drunk state!

3.) Water! Water! Water!:

There are several hydration stations around campus where you can bring a re-usable water bottle to refill. However, in these situations, one may not be carrying around their CamelBak. No worries! Most of them don’t even need the push of a button because of the motion sensors, so just stick your head under and open your mouth! Many students are familiar with that motion already, anyway.

2.) Rivera Library:

Sometimes, hearing shocking or sad news can sober someone up. Go take a stroll through Rivera, pick up a book, read some terrible facts about war. Then, head up to the bathroom on the third floor, and see the ghost that haunts it. That should be shocking enough.

1.) Third Floor of the HUB:

Of course, all these tips might still fail you, or leave you and/or your friend injured. There are many comfortable and long couches on the third floor of the HUB. Dump either yourself or your friend there, and let everyone else have a good time! Someone will find you. Eventually.

Students can’t help it. Far too often, “I’m just going to have one shot, maybe two” turns into “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.” At that point, there’s nothing to do but live and learn, and then inevitably make the same mistakes again and again.


Like booze before noon? So do these guys:

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