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UC-Riverside’s Bartender of the Week: Jacque Tumnus of ProAbition Bar

As the epoch for liquid mishaps, the college years serve as a prime time for students to take up drinking in excessive loads. Whether one needs to forget a failing exam score or FAFSA’s fist-tight donations for the innocent endeavor of pursuing a better life, drinking and the college plight possess a special chemistry capable of warding off those desires to end it all. For a day, at least. If a student isn’t at the library or plopped in their dorm waiting on the right get-rich-quick innovation to save them from a future of fiscal uncertainty, you can find them sitting at the nearest bar. Riverside homes several quality bars and pubs surrounding UCR which themselves have bartenders ready to passively make you a Canadian Club and Sprite. For Downtown Riverside’s own ProAbition bar, Jacque Tumnus (a pseudonym provided at his request) encounters a fair share of Highlanders whose solution for life’s reality and obstacles is to drown in fermented essence.

TBS: Are most college students lightweight or heavyweights with their alcohol?

JT: Naturally, I want to conclude that the younger the drinker is, the harder the drink will hit. In that case, these college kids are lightweights. However, I think it all comes down to how they conduct themselves once they start drinking. Some of these guys start acting trashy after two or three shots which puts most people in a toasty place but not enough to start stumbling and pinballing off bystanders. An AMF and Weeknd track is all you need to get millennials to fall over each other.

TBS: What’s the best drink no one’s ordering?

JT: Coke, Rum, the Manhatten, and currently trendy Moscow Mule have taken the spotlight from a variety of cocktails that both taste and look better. Most bartenders will order a Greenpoint or Lime Daquiri when they’re not on the job. The Old Fashioned is also as dependable as the name suggests.

TBS: What’s your best advice for the ailing college student?

JT: If no one has your back, push your own. And realize the irony of escaping your financial woes by retreating to a bar.

TBS: Which major(s)—if any–normally end up on a barstool whining about life?

JT: Lots of sociology majors walk in with questions as to why millions…billions of imperfect, self-obsessed people can’t get along. Theories won’t solve a lick compared to a frank conversation vis-a-vis. English majors fall second with a majority of them walking in thinking rounds of mojitos will make them write more like Hemingway. Ultimately, their “think pieces” unintentionally take the rhetoric of an Onion article.

TBS: What can a college kid do to ensure their night out drinking is one of little regret/sickness?

JT: Go in prepared. Eat well and hydrate till it hurts. Understand your restraints. If your significant other’s waiting at home, keep your eyes where they should be. If the person you’re eyeing is accompanied by their significant other, keep your eyes where they should be. Don’t shoot your shot for the sake of doing it. And dear Lord wear something other than a button-up.

WATCH: Boofing is ruining your butthole:


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