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UCR Alumnus Reveals Secret Sex Club Details

We at The Black Sheep were given the opportunity to interview an alumnus who revealed a dark secret about our beloved campus: the “High-Low club”. This club is intricate and the membership guidelines are simple; thankfully this particular alumnus was lucky enough to be part of this exclusive club and explained the rules. The alumnus requested anonymity so to protect him, he will be referred to as Big Lou.

Big Lou graduated thirty years ago and based on his experiences, UCR has changed a lot since.

The High-Low Club is much like the “Mile-High Club” where it is solely based on experience(s) rather than a swearing oath.  The High-Low Club is split into two parts. The “high” represents the tallest building on campus: the Bell Tower. The “low” is for the underground steam tunnels. Big Lou explained that they’d run all over the campus, linking the Watkins Hall to Olmstead Hall.

Because we’re skeptics, and if you know that the only entrance to the BT is locked, you’d think he was lying. But, that’s when Big Lou interrupted us and said that we needed an in. “It’s not what you know, but who you know.” Friends such as the custodial staff, CSO’s or Chancellor Ted Hullar (the Chancellor of the time) would allegedly guarantee you a key.

 

Big Lou’s experience becoming a part of the club was, to put simply, difficult. It was late spring, his then girlfriend was stressing out, so they decided to join the club one night. Lou asked for a favor from one of his “special friends” and got up to Bell Tower. It was, “…cold and constantly swaying. The wind made little whistle sounds as we went through the building. Once we started going at it, [she] started to get too into it and moaned like crazy. Yeah it was late at night but I’m a considerate man so I put my hand over her mouth to keep her quiet.” After their steamy get together, he recalls “we shared a meal at the commons (now known as the HUB) to make it a more romantic night.”

A week later he called the same “special friend” to take him and his girlfriend to the tunnels. “It was so creepy in there, pipes leading to god knows where. I was sweating like a mother f*cker. When we got into it, she started to moan again, but it was amplified. Like instead of being sexy it scared the shit out of me. Like I started to get paranoid. I thought, ‘what if there was someone getting killed in there and they were screaming the same time my girlfriend was being loud’?!”

Thanks to Big Lou’s account, UCR can shed its innocent Cutie-growing image and embrace its dirty side! The Bell Tower will never be the same. Every time you look up, you can’t help but think “was there an orgy up there?” 

 

WATCH: We made Malort cupcakes. They are bad.

 

 
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