When professors don’t get the interview for UC Irvine, but don’t want to settle for UC Davis, they come to UC Riverside. Every college has that group of professors that are flat out weird or over the top. Like when one of your professors suggest a list of dates or sites you and your significant other can visit. Here are some that we’ve actually come across at UCR…
8.) The Sh*t Talker (Creative Writing Department):
This is the professor that always talks about his or her students behind their backs mainly because they have come to the realization that they secretly hate their job, and the shit talking on their students make them feel less of a failure.
7.) The Pervy-Porn Addict (Philosophy Department):
Have you ever had a professor during lecture ask the students why porn is so popular? If not, consider yourself lucky because these profs unfortunately exist at UCR. This is the professor that sexualizes everything from a line in a reading to a video presented in class, and laughs about it as if it were a joke. Not only is he or she your professor, but they act like your parent trying to fit in with the trends–which never really ends well.
6.) The Relationship Counselor (Creative Writing Department):
Office hours usually go about a student visiting the professor for help on an assignment. Unless you have the one professor that stops in the middle of editing your essay to talk about your relationship, and how you should plan out your one-year anniversary. Not only is this creepy, but you have a busy schedule, and you’re just trying to get your paper edited–ain’t nobody got time for that!
5.) Reachin’ For Gold (Religious Studies Department):
It’s important to establish bonds with your professors because they’re regular people too, and live regular lives just like us, BUT there is a difference between comfortable and inappropriate. If you have the lecture hall with two huge screens in front, then this makes your view even worse. This is the professor that always has their hand in their pants walking down the aisle answering questions–not sure if they are itching down there or if their hand is cold. This is one professor you wouldn’t want to shake hands with.
4.) Fuck, Fuck, and even more Fuck (English Department):
Notorious for popping students’ angelic, rhetorical cherries with the word fuck this professor catering to freshmen opens up the class with, “Hello Fucktards, welcome to your first college course!” Many students gasp, and eventually laugh. This professor is real laid back, probably watches Wolf of Wall Street daily, and most of the time assigns no homework. They don’t want to waste their time grading it because they secretly have a better social life than you.
3.) The Know-It-All (Entomology Department):
Everyone in class, including the T.A hates this professor. This is one professor that always talks about how they are so much better than you, and that their first draft is A quality. Um, excuse yourself, but did you receive your Ph.D. from Know-It-All University or are you just plain out rude?
2.) Xanax on the Go (Creative Writing Department):
This is a professor that is artificially chill and mellow, and is down to earth when he or she talks to their students one on one. Yet, the minute lecture starts they hold up the class for about five minutes to pop in some Xanax. Sometimes the professor doesn’t come back, and the students wonder where they’ve gone…
1.) The Shakespeare, The Regina George, The Dramatic One Overall (Creative Writing/Theater Department):
Some people like this professor, but the majority of the students try not to interact with this particular one because they are so over the top. For instance, after a student reads their two-page story for a Creative Writing course, the professor interrupts with, “You know, the first three lines keep, but everything else scratch off because those three lines are your moment. Delete everything, those details don’t matter.”
Though UCR has some awkward, wacky professors they are highly appreciated, and valued for their dedication and effort they put into teaching us! UCR wouldn’t be the same without them!
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