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5 Awkward Encounters Everyone Has With Their Dealer at UCSB

Everyone has had weird run-ins with their dealer. Maybe you crossed paths while you were showing your parents around on parents’ weekend, or perhaps you ran into each other doing some stand-up paddleboarding by Campus Point. Regardless of the location, it can be an awkward encounter if you’re not prepared, and especially if you’re already high. Here’s a rundown of places you can expect to see your supplier:

5.) Office hours:
So you’re coming in to study for your difficult-as-hell physics class and BAM!—you seem him sitting in your TA’s desk, wearing his clothes, and responding to his name. Clearly your best course of action is to inquire about student discounts and start a study group/smoke sesh with him. In the immortal words of Chancellor Yang: “Study high, take the test high, get high grades.”

4.) At home:
One morning you wake up in your room only to open your eyes, look to the left, and see your dealer sleeping in the bed next to you. It turns out your dealer is your roommate! If you’re high this will seem like some sort of M. Night Shyamalan twist; if not, you probably knew that when you moved in together. Either way it’s best to stay in his good graces and hope the cup will runneth over to pad your stash.

3.) Graduation:
This encounter can be extra awkward if you’re sitting by the Lagoon and he’s right next to you in a blue cap and gown. Since everyone is wearing the same thing, you understandably are wary of saying hi only to realize that it isn’t him. Get drunk beforehand (it is graduation, after all) so you can shed your shyness and milk a sweet graduation discount for your four years of loyal business.

It’s also worth noting that if your dealer is the one who hands you your diploma, you might have bigger problems on your hands.

2.) A phone call:
You’re walking to your bike after your lecture in Campbell Hall and your dealer is calling you with questions like “How was your day?” and “What did you learn?” This might sound strange, but it just means that your mom has the hookup that you so desperately crave. This also puts you in a good position to ask for a friends and family deal, given your rapport and time spent in the womb and whatnot.

1.) The mirror:
You just smoked some of that sweet Alien Kush in your physics lab, and now you duck out for a bathroom break. You look in the mirror only to find your dealer staring right back at you. His eyes are red. And so are yours.

Don’t let this throw you, even you are your own dealer, never pass up an opportunity to haggle for a bargain. You have to wear him down every chance you get so he can sling you some product on the cheap. Go forth, Gauchos, and prepare to support local businesses wherever you encounter your hookup. 



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