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8 Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get You Laid in IV

Isla Vista is a beautiful sex-topia filled with bodacious babes ready to jump all over the first Gaucho to grace them with the right pick up line. However, with all the overwhelming possibilities, you may find yourself a little tongue-tied. Here are a few guaranteed winners for when you spot a potential mate so you can later tongue kiss her other tongue.

8.) I marijuana get in your pants tonight:
This line is highly effective for the area. It obviously will only work on stoners or horny people, but they comprise 98% of IV, so your odds are good. Find yourself a good balance of Indica and Sativa — not too much Indica that you fall asleep midway, and not too much Sativa that you worry Jesus is watching. Don’t worry. He likes what he sees.

7.) Midterms left you feeling empty inside? Follow us home for a DP:
Unless you really get creative, this one is a team effort in escorting home one target together. Bonus points if you live on DP. Even more bonus points if you do the Eiffel Tower and high-five over her back.

6.) Ochem ain’t gonna be the only thing fucking you tonight:
Great the gold digging ladies out there, this one will only work on the STEM majors who don’t get to go out much. They’ll be delighted by your relatable statement and also by the option that sex is on the table, especially sex that may result in a ball and gag in their mouth.

5.) Hey baby, are you the library? Because I want to fall asleep inside you:
Other variations of this pick-up line for those that do not have invasive genitalia may be: “Are you the library because I want to get a lot of cramming done tonight?” This one will probably only work on the losers who hang out at the library, but it’s worth a shot at the Zeta Psi frat party. Try this one out at the library to see if people think you are a new kind of lost.

4.) Come with me to Ellison Hall to get drilled:
It might fly over most people’s heads, but if you have just one section in that building you know what the fuck we’re talking about. Side note: only use this line if you’re ready to handle that kind of power and if you can deliver on the promise of a good drilling.

3.) I’ll take your iClicker to class if you suck my dick:
While we understand this sounds like borderline prostitution, we’re fairly sure California prostitution laws will allot it so long as no money is exchanged. This offer only works if you can punch any button for points. I’ll suck your dick any time, but under no circumstances am I studying for your class.

2.) I hope you don’t have drugs on you because I’m conducting a full-body cavity search:
Caution: only for the snitches, plus it probably won’t get you laid in Isla Vista. However, if you’re the kind of person who lives here and actively disapproves of drugs use, this is the one for you, asswipe.

1.) Are you a bike? ‘Cause I wanna take you home and put some grease in your chain:
Use without caution. Throw it to the wind that’s been plaguing our campus.

Or, if you wouldn’t dream of interacting face to face with another human, let alone one you want to mate with, you can always try these out on Tinder aka the shy Gaucho’s sex solution.

Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Talk of Shame:

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